Dear Former Associate,
We hit it off right from the start. Our friendship seemed to come naturally. I remember the day we met -- it seems like only yesterday. The feeling of bliss was near indescribable; to find someone who could be so uniquely individual, but also so similar was tremendously refreshing. I had struggled for many years to fit in. I never had more than a few close friends, and i saw this as my first chance to be myself. I thought you were in it for the long haul.
To paraphrase an article I once read, some people are rocks and others are poles. The rocks, while they are sturdy and supportive, can also be moved. The poles are secured into the ground not intended to go anywhere. I thought that our friendship was one for the books, and in some cases, I guess you could say I was right. The amount of work that had been put into maintaining this friendship was uncanny, but the work never seemed to show. I had been let down time and time again, but I never saw the signs.
There were countless nights where I had laid awake, my stream of conscious prohibiting me from doing anything other than thinking. At times, I was thinking so many self-defeating thoughts that I believed them to be true. Then I figured, "Why not stir the pot?"
On this day, I introduce you to [insert name of crush], you two seemed to be hitting it off as well and this made me happy. In the back of my mind I still held the doubt and self-defeating thoughts, but the temporary happiness led me to believe that all was well. Eventually, I began to feel like the odd one out so to say. You two had become so close, [crush] would choose you over me more times than not, but what hit me the hardest? When you watch your friendship fall apart, you begin to notice even the most minuscule of differences. From that point on, we no longer "hung out as friends", you two hung out as friends and I was invited to tag along out of pity.
Former Associate, I tend to have a hard time expressing my feelings, and you knew this before problems began to arise. You can say I overreact and you can back up your arguments, but my feelings should not have to be legitimized. There should never be a point in anyone's friendship where a member of the party should contemplate the toxicity level, and whether or not self-expression is beneficial.
I have MANY questions.
What was the turning point?
At what point did you come to the conclusion that hiding a friendship would hurt me less than being honest?
What aided you in your decisions?
Why did you continue to let me suffer?
What you did was distressing. You alone gave me the hope that I had waited so long for and took it all away in what seemed like seconds. These are questions that I will now never have answers to, and that is something that all three of us have to live with.
They say that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Death and Dying) This brings me to conclude; I have finally gone throw all fives stages, crawled my way through the mud, took two steps forward and one step back, but I have finally accepted the fact that you were merely a rock.
Sincerely,
The Complex Friend
