Dear College Boyfriend,
Where do I start? Let’s go back to September 4th, 2015. The night we met. That whole week was definitely a roller coaster for me. I couldn't stop crying. I was disappointed, very sad, and confused. I was very hurt and was unable to comprehend what had happened. My brain and my thoughts were controlling me. My actions were unable to be stopped. It was the day before I was going to be leaving my past behind, embarking on a new adventure, never returning to what I had before. Amidst all my troubles, came you.
The handsome, dramatic, funny, nice, and sympathetic person that changed my life for the better. I saw you a couple times walking around campus during our first week of school and really wanted to talk to you. You caught my eye. But, there was a voice inside my head telling me, “what the heck Michael! Just move on with your life! Stop worrying about boys, they’re immature”. The next day, I packed up my stuff, loaded the car, and moved on with my life. My Dad who flew down from Florida, picked me up from school and took me to IHOP for comfort food. Then, reality hit. Things were going to be different, very different. Many thoughts were rushing to my head. I felt queasy, uncomfortable, and had a loss of appetite. That following evening, when I was sitting on my couch at home, I felt as if I made a mistake. I didn’t give it a chance. I jumped to conclusions too quickly. That night, I thought about the previous night that we had, the night I never wanted to end. I remember eating peanut butter puffs cereal with you on the dock while cuddling, feeling the breeze of the Hudson River, while staring into the dark, starry night.
Within 24 hours of withdrawing, I came back. To be 100% honest, It was for you. I can get my degree anywhere, I could’ve been in a different environment with new people, new friends, and a new school, but you drew me back. Ever since I came back, I had the most incredible time of my life. Yes, I was in college where obstacles stood in the way, but I was with my best friend who I saw every single day. Do you want to know what the best feeling ever is? Waking up with a huge smile, knowing I’m going to be seeing you that day, anticipating a fun-filled day. Now that the semester is over, I wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for giving me the best three-plus months of my life and for never failing to put a smile on my face. It truly felt as if nothing else mattered. Nothing was stressful, anxious, or got in the way of you and me.
But now that school has recessed, I don’t get to see my best friend every day. I don’t get to roll over to the other side of the bed, where I saw my prince charming sleeping, having pleasant dreams. I don’t get to stare into your eyes, hold your hands and be able to feel your heartbeat. Yes, you may just be a short car ride away, but I miss my best friend who I care about so much. It feels as if a part of me is missing. Ever since I left to go home, I’ve had trouble breathing and coping. I haven’t had much sleep or a big appetite. I miss being able to do things and go places with my better half. I miss being motivated in school. I miss your presence. But, not every relationship is a walk in the flower field. There will be roadblocks and obstacles that stand in the way, but you have to know how to overcome them. Besides your parents, there is no one else on this planet that is your biggest supporter. I love you unconditionally and promise to always love you even if you’re not with me and I have to love you from afar. I just want the ultimate best for you, and I feel that there is something standing in the way that is preventing you from being you.
Yes, you’re gay, I’m gay. So what? There are so many other problems in the world. Do you think that you’re trying to upset your parents? Do you think that you chose this? You were born this way. I never intend on being mean, forceful, or argumentative but I just want you to know the truth. In order for you to be able to fulfill your heart, wants and dreams, you have to be able to speak up and communicate. I know that you don’t want to upset them. I know that you want them to stay happy. But, how is anything going to change if you don’t say anything? How is this relationship going to grow and prosper if you live each day as someone you're not? They have to learn to accept you for who you are and to never stop loving the person that you have become. If you don’t speak up, then nothing is ever going to happen. Problems are going to stay problems. You’re going to be living a life that you don’t deserve. If you’re comfortable with your situation, then that’s a different subject. As you know, the truth hurts and not everyone is going to agree with you or want to hear what you have to say. You have to be yourself. I want so much for you. I want you to be the best possible person you can. I want you to be yourself and know what you want.
The most important thing for anyone is to be happy. If your happiness doesn’t involve me, then I cannot be with you. I know it’s hard but, always remember that I will always be here for you as I love you to bits and pieces. Yes, I’m young and you’re young, but never let someone tell you how to live your life. Be the best possible you. You deserve better.
Love always,
Your College Boyfriend
