Open Letter To My Best Friend That Isn't Here Anymore

Open Letter To My Best Friend That Isn't Here Anymore

I think about you everyday.

I thought about you today. And yesterday. And every day since you've been gone. The smallest thing reminds me of you. Memories cross my mind at least once a day. I look down at my wrist and your face pops into my head. I listen to music and I think, "Wow, Jes would love this song." Anything elephant-related reminds me of you. I think of our matching Beanie Babies and I wonder where yours is. I look at Jersey and I think of how you are probably that only person that wouldn't get annoyed at her hyperactive behavior, because you would be right next to her, just as hyperactive. I wish she knew you.

I get sad. I get really sad that I can't hear your laugh or see your smile ever again. I will forever have to resort to old pictures and videos. I drive past Johnson Blvd and I want to turn right so bad. I want to lay in your bed and listen to your iPod. I want to cry. I know I'll never be able to hug and kiss you again. Never lay on your bed while you get ready for class. I will never forget the laughs, the cries, the fights and the makeups. All the running around we did at Sullivan. Dragging you to get French Vanilla Caps with me every morning at 8. The countless pool games. The end of semester massages. I was looking through those pictures the other day. You used to drive me nuts. All of the memories I have, I will forever cherish.

No one could have made my teenage and early adult years as amazing as you had. You have taught me so much and you have helped shape me into who I am today. You got me involved in so many things in high school that I would not have done on my own. You were always my shoulder and my rock. I know that I am not the only person who has gone through this. But we are the only ones that I care about. I care so much about the relationship that we held. If anyone has ever told me that it gets easier, they were wrong. Every day I am hurt and every day I will remain hurt. There is only one thing that can take this pain away. I, of course, know that it will never happen. I am NOT okay with that, but I have come to terms with it.

I am happy that you are not in pain anymore, and you will never feel pain again. And most importantly, I will continue to think about you every day, and I am most certainly okay with that. The memories of you are the best ones that I have. And Kelly, if you are reading this, I love you and I want to spend more time at the house, if any at all. But I am not ready for the realness that comes along with that, and I do not want it to set in. I'm not sure that I will ever be ready. But along with Jes, you are always in my thoughts, and I love you both.

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.


So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?



Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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