Dear Mom,
It’s funny how the smallest things like a smell, or the way someone says something reminds me of you. I can be in the middle of homework or rushing to get ready for work and something simple reminds me of you and your smile.
Everything’s changed since you’ve been gone and I’m not the same person that you left behind. I’ve done a lot of growing up. Unfortunately I’ve had to learn through my mistakes but I thank you for watching over me and allowing those mistakes to make me instead of break me.
Firsts are always hard. The first day of school. The first friend I made in college. The first time I got sick away from home. The first boy I fell in love with. The first boy who broke my heart. I needed you here with me for all of those things, just so you can remind me that I'm strong enough to get through anything. Sometimes, I just wanted you there because I knew you would understand the way that no one else could. It’s funny how you always understood what I was saying even when I wouldn’t say anything at all.
You’ve missed so much and there are so many things that I wish you were going to be here to see. I remember one night you cried to me saying that you didn’t think you’d make it to see me graduate from high school; you were wrong. No, you weren’t there to scream my name when I received my diploma and no you weren’t there to take pictures with me and cry because your little girl made it. But mom, I know you were there, watching me from Heaven. Hell, lord knows I wouldn’t have been able to make it to that point without your guidance.
I hope that whoever reads this letter remembers a few things; some of these things I wish someone would have told me before you left.
1. Let the pointless fights go
2. No means no
3. Your mom is ALWAYS right
4. No matter how angry you get, never ever tell her you hate her
5. Take the dishes out of the sink
6. Tell her you love her every time you hang up
7. Stay in and have a girls night every once in awhile
8. Go to her when you’re upset
9. Call her when you’re away and ask her about her day
10. Hug her when you feel like crying
11. And then hold her tighter right before you let go
I’ll always miss long car rides with you on the phone talking loud like the person on the other line couldn’t hear you. I’ll always miss our days going shopping and then sitting down at Olive Garden because you knew it was my favorite restaurant. I’ll miss spending weekends in New Jersey at Mima’s house just talking and eating until we couldn't anymore. Most of all, I’ll always miss the sound of your voice telling me you love me; especially because you weren’t the mushy type so it was rare. But even though you didn’t say it a lot, I knew how much you cared.
I hope that people understand that the bond that you have with your mother is like no other. A mother is patient, and forgiving, even if you’ve given her hell. I pray that no one takes advantage of the unconditional love that a mother showers her child in. Mom, I wish I would have valued our relationship more, and seen past the “no’s” and all the arguments. But since time can’t be reversed, my goal now is to be the woman you would have been proud to raise. Thank you for everything.
Forever and Always,
Sarah
