They say the first guy that you're supposed to love is your father. That they're supposed to love and protect you from all the world's troubles and that they're supposed to be that man that shields you from all the hurt. That didn't happen with you, all the world's troubles started with you but they won't end with you, I won't let it end with you. I want to yell and scream that I hate you because of you I can't trust any guy in my life. I want to cry and blame you for every wrong thing in my life. I can only remember all the hurt you caused, I can't remember any good memories with you and that's sad. All the stories I've heard of you of you never being there, you leaving and going to get drunk or high instead of staying at the hospital because your toddler told you to go. YOUR TODDLER????
Instead of saying that I hate you, I will instead say thank you... Thank you for leaving my mother. Thank you for abandoning me. Thank you for choosing drugs and alcohol over your toddler. Thank you for constantly lying to me and showing me I didn't need you. I thank you because without everything you've done to hurt me, every painful thought that I have I wouldn't be who i am now.
I thank you because you never left my mom I would have known that she is the strongest woman I've ever known in my life. That with every obstacle thrown at her she overcame them and continues to do so. without you walking away from your 17 year old girlfriend and nearly two year old child she would have never met the best man in the world. I would have never gotten to see what true love looks like. I would have never gotten to see what a real father looks like.
I think about what if you never left, what my life would be like if you never walked away. This is what I've come up with; I would have fallen into a deep hole where I wouldn't be where I am today. If you never left I would have once again known what real love is, what it looks like. Honestly, I think I wouldn't be alive right now if you never left because of the path I would have gone down because of you.
So thank you so much for leaving and hurting me. Thank you for never being there. I don't hate you, I forgive you and honestly never thought I'd utter those words again, but you will never be my father, and you will never, ever hurt me again.
Sincerely,
The daughter you failed at
