At some point or another, loss touches all of us. Whether it’s a grandparent, a parent, a sibling or a friend, we all lose people we love. For me, it happened when I was 14 years old, a freshman in high school. My dad passed away after fighting cancer for 10 years. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act. And that’s the problem a lot of people dealing with grief face. How are you supposed to react? And the answer? Who cares?
One thing I learned after struggling with this for a long time is that you need to react however you feel is necessary. You’ve just lost someone who you love, and healing takes time. And I know you’re probably facing a lot of people who are offering you comfort, who want to help you get through this. And some of them aren’t going to know what to say or they’ll say the wrong thing thinking they’re helping. And it’ll make you want to scream and then cry and then scream all over again. But you will get through it. You will survive it. If I did it, any of you can.
Here I am, four years later, still missing my dad. That never really goes away. But the pain dulls, and you learn to grow accustomed to life without this person. And I know all the clichés that you’re sick of hearing, so you won’t find any of those here, but know this, you are strong enough to get through this. And nothing that you’re feeling right now is unreasonable or wrong. Don’t apologize for being sad, angry or just numb. And don't feel the need to apologize if you find something to be happy about. Laughing just felt wrong for me for months after my dad was gone. But there's nothing wrong with finding something to laugh about. I know that now.
At the end of the day, living without this person you love is a huge adjustment. Not only are you missing them, but everything else in your life feels different and wrong. And that's OK. You will adjust. But you shouldn't try to do it all on your own. Let other people help you. Don't feel guilty about sharing a bit of your burden with your family or friends. At least some of them know how you're feeling. Don't be afraid to open up. Don't be afraid to cry in front of other people. It's hard to open up, and it can be hard to face the grief inside of you. But you can't ignore it. So embrace it. Above all, you are not alone. You will survive this.
