Dear Grandma…
It’s funny how you think of so many things to say later. It’s started to get to the point where I can barely remember your face. However it is also too hard to look at a picture of you because of the pain. I guess I could start off with an apology. I’m sorry, not just for the way things ended but for how jaded I became and how I just didn't believe you. I’m sorry, for the things I didn’t realize. I would like to blame it on my age but I can’t. Sometimes I like to imagine how things would have played out if you were still here. How close would we be? Would you be better? Would you be proud of me?
I like to think you would be proud of me but I have no way of knowing for sure. I like to imagine how life would be if I became what you always wanted me to be…a doctor. I like to remember how you would always let me be myself and never discourage me. You were the only person to encourage me to believe in the magic the world holds. You were the one who let me do the things I enjoyed and never tried to change me. I love the way you’d let me cook for you in the morning knowing that I was probably giving you diabetes with a side of high blood pressure from the piles salt and sugar I used in everything. I’m so glad you let me learn how to season food.
I’m sorry that it took me so long to see all the things you did for me. You were the only grandparent I ever had and I took you for granted. I’m sorry, I just always thought that you would be here. You always accepted me and stood up for me. Your love was warm and unconditional and I miss that every minute of every day. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for how things ended between us. I’ll never know the stories about my mom when she was younger, how you and my grandpa met, how your childhood was or how much you loved your parents. You may not have been like everyone else’s grandma but you were the right one for me. I was just too young to realize what I had before it was gone. Now I struggle to remember all the advice you gave me, the way you liked your coffee or what you always wanted me remember once you were gone. I would get so irritated when you wanted to spend time with me and I wish I could take it all back. When I look up and see other people my age with their grandparents I just remember that I wouldn’t be where I am without you. Things may have been different if you were here but I like to think everything I’m doing is to make you proud. So I would like to say Thank You for everything you told, taught and allowed me to be. You showed me it was okay to be me and for that I will always hold you close.
Sincerely your favorite grandchild!
