To The Girl Who Had A Rough Freshmen Year
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

To The Girl Who Had A Rough Freshmen Year

You are not a failure.

To The Girl Who Had A Rough Freshmen Year

My freshmen year of college is coming to a close in only four short weeks. I would love to sit here and tell you that my first year was everything I had hoped it would be. I would love to tell you that I went out every weekend, made a ton of friends, and had the time of my life since moving here in August. But I can't tell you any of these things because they simply aren't true.

This year has been an absolute roller coaster, filled with more downs than ups. In high school I was known, at least from what I have been told, as this really happy and bubbly person who never let anything get her down. Of course I had my bad days, everyone does, but I laughed and smiled through any pain I endured. I was a member of my high school marching band. I took all advanced classes and made the honor role every year. I had a big friend group and a best friend I saw every single day. I was an editor-in-chief of my school newspaper and won awards over the years for my writing. Writing is my true calling, I have found.

There are a few things I was absolutely sure of throughout high school. I knew who I was. I knew what I did and did not like. I was confident in myself and my beliefs. I knew what I wanted to do for a career and where I wanted to attend college. I knew I was outgoing and fun, yet loved spending my Friday nights sitting on the couch with my mom watching "Game of Thrones."

Another thing I was really sure of was the man I wanted to be with. This might sound crazy, but falling in love with your best friend when you knew you couldn't have him was something that happened to me. But then, something really amazing happened. I did get to have him, eventually.

You would think that after getting into my dream school and dating that man I've always wanted to be with, that my first year of college should have been absolutely perfect. It was at first, but about two months into the year, I broke down.

After weeks of staying up until 3 a.m. working on homework every night, missing my family and boyfriend back home, not having my best friend with me every day, and feeling as though I had too many extracurricular activities on my plate, one night in October, I had a complete breakdown.

I called my parents crying ballistically. I felt as though my whole life was collapsing, when it really wasn't. I had good grades, I had my boyfriend supporting me, and I was making a few friends. However, my brain simply couldn't take all the change at once.

My life had completely changed, seemingly overnight, and I couldn't handle it. I went into shutdown mode. I treated everyone around me, including my family and boyfriend, awfully. I would have panic attacks almost four times a day. I would cry every day because I could not understand what was wrong with me.

Eventually, things got better. The panic attacks stopped, my worry was gone, and I was living my life again. But this was only for a few weeks. And it was in late February/March. Almost five months since it had started. The past two weeks, it started back up again. I had to go to the doctor because I was seriously convinced that there was something psychologically wrong with me.

But here's the thing I realized: There's nothing wrong with me.

The only thing that was wrong was my frame of mine. I was so convinced that I was going to come to college and adjust perfectly. I would get perfect grades and get perfect sleep and make a whole new group of friends right away and I would just be this perfect college girl. I wanted to do every activity possible and be as busy as possible. I wanted to go out to parties and do dumb stuff even though I knew in my heart that I hated parties and night life.

I am here to tell you that my freshman year was FULL of trial and error. It was full of emotional breakdowns and anger and frustration and hatred and stress. And it is OK.

I realized, over the last few days, that there really was nothing wrong with me. I put too much on myself. Everything changed too fast. I couldn't handle it. And instead of being kinder to myself and loosening the reigns a bit, I kept pushing. I pushed myself into a breakdown.

Be kind to yourself. Just because you don't do a thousand extracurriculars your first semester does not make you a failure. Just because you don't make a ton of friends as soon as possible does not mean that you are unlikeable. Just because you are feeling overwhelmed does not mean that there is anything wrong with you.

Just because your freshmen year didn't go as planned, does not mean that you did anything wrong.

Take a yoga class. Quit your campus job. Try meditation. Plan out your days better. Get enough sleep. Eat healthy. Exercise. Just breathe. Do what you need to do in order to get through the rest of the year. Just because it was a bad year does not mean that you live a bad life or that all of college will be like this.

Use this year as a learning experience. Take it from someone who practically killed herself with panic attacks for months on end. You are doing just fine.

Your future is going to be wonderful. One day you are going to graduate and have a degree and get a job and marry and have kids. Stop killing yourself over worry and stress.

From here on out, I just want to be happy. I want to love my boyfriend. I want to get decent sleep. I want to enjoy my time with my family and friends. I want to live, and live well. And I hope that you can realize that everything is going to be OK. Take a breather. Live. Be yourself.

Don't worry, just be happy from here on out.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Social Media Or Soul Media

To the generation that cares way too much about affirmation.

Emma Smith
  • This semester I am taking the ever so famous class, Writing 101. Walking into it, I had heard the horror stories about each major assignment. I have to admit, it’s not a class that I am fond of. But, major assignment #2 got me thinking, we had to create a research question based off of a topic that we are interested in.

Two weeks prior, I watched a very interesting documentary on Netflix. Miss Representation was recommended to me by one of my friends and I have to say the topic is absolutely mind blowing. Social Media and Female Body Image. How Social Media makes girls see this unnatural perfection of ‘beauty’ that really doesn’t exist. But female body image isn’t the only thing affected by social media.

Keep Reading... Show less

Sex And The Church

A letter to fellow believers.

Amanda Hayes
  • I know many of you just read that title and thought it was scandalous to see something so “risque” in the same setting as something holy. Well guess what – sex is part of that. Everyone seems to think they are separate, which makes since because most people treat them as though they are complete polar opposites. Shall we think this through?

Who created the Church body? God. Who created the body? Also God. If we know God to be the creator of all things, we cannot leave sex out of that equation. God created sex, people! Praise Him! Like all great things, the world has twisted and perverted it. The world has stained it so badly that even many church congregations see it only as stained and keep quiet about that part of God’s word. Many people know that God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), but a lot of people overlook the entirety of Song of Solomon. The entire book is dedicated to telling of the love and sex between man and wife. God blessed us with the gift of intimacy, one to be shared between husband and wife. Church if we teach of sex as the blessing that it is, more people will start treating it as such. If we stop viewing sex as this unspeakable act, the temptation would be lessened. With the fall of man, humans naturally desire things they should not have. So if more people speak of it with gladness and praise, and do not hide it in the darkness as if it were vile, fewer people would be drawn to it for the wrong reasons. More people would appreciate it for what it is: a gift from God.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chick-fil-A, I love you.

Keep Reading... Show less

An open letter to my father

What you did sounds dumb to me

An open letter to my father
The Truth About My Parents' Divorce

Considering im 18 now & you're one of the best men i've ever met since you have a child; me. I want you to know that I love you, more than anyone, I love you. I don't forgive you for the way you hurt my mother. I'm hurt because you broke our family. Thing went down hill the day you found Laquita. You we're distant & shortly after my mother turned into the coldest, saddest women to walk past me. She's my best friend & so are you. Not one day goes by where I don't wonder what she did wrong. How on earth could you trade your family & the women who loved you unconditionally for a home wrecker? Sounds dumb to me.

Keep Reading... Show less

Is God Reckless?

Exploring the controversy behind the popular worship song "Reckless Love"

Is God Reckless?

First things first I do not agree with people getting so caught up in the specific theology of a song that they forget who they are singing the song to. I normally don't pay attention to negative things that people say about worship music, but the things that people were saying caught my attention. For example, that the song was not biblical and should not be sung in churches. Worship was created to glorify God, and not to argue over what kind of theology the artist used to write the song. I was not made aware of the controversy surrounding the popular song "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury until about a week ago, but now that I am aware this is what I have concluded.The controversy surrounding the song is how the term reckless is used to describe God's love. This is the statement that Cory Asbury released after many people questioned his theology regarding his lyrics. I think that by trying to clarify what the song was saying he added to the confusion behind the controversy.This is what he had to say,
"Many have asked me for clarity on the phrase, "reckless love". Many have wondered why I'd use a "negative" word to describe God. I've taken some time to write out my thoughts here. I hope it brings answers to your questions. But more than that, I hope it brings you into an encounter with the wildness of His love.When I use the phrase, "the reckless love of God", I'm not saying that God Himself is reckless. I am, however, saying that the way He loves, is in many regards, quite so. What I mean is this: He is utterly unconcerned with the consequences of His actions with regards to His own safety, comfort, and well-being. His love isn't crafty or slick. It's not cunning or shrewd. In fact, all things considered, it's quite childlike, and might I even suggest, sometimes downright ridiculous. His love bankrupted heaven for you. His love doesn't consider Himself first. His love isn't selfish or self-serving. He doesn't wonder what He'll gain or lose by putting Himself out there. He simply gives Himself away on the off-chance that one of us might look back at Him and offer ourselves in return.His love leaves the ninety-nine to find the one every time."
Some people are arguing that song is biblical because it makes reference to the scripture from Matthew 28:12-14 and Luke 15. Both of these scriptures talk about the parable of the lost sheep and the shepherd. The shepherd symbolizes God and the lost sheep are people that do not have a relationship with God. On the other hand some people are arguing that using the term reckless, referring to God's character is heretical and not biblical. I found two articles that discuss the controversy about the song.The first article is called, "Reckless Love" By Cory Asbury - "Song Meaning, Review, and Worship Leading Tips." The writer of the article, Jake Gosselin argues that people are "Making a mountain out of a molehill" and that the argument is foolish. The second article, "God's Love is not Reckless, Contrary to What You Might Sing" by author Andrew Gabriel argues that using the term reckless is irresponsible and that you cannot separate Gods character traits from God himself. For example, saying that God's love is reckless could also be argued that God himself is reckless. Reckless is typically not a word that someone would use to describe God and his love for us. The term reckless is defined as (of a person or their actions) without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action. However, Cory Asbury is not talking about a person, he is talking about God's passionate and relentless pursuit of the lost. While I would not have chosen the word reckless, I understand what he was trying to communicate through the song. Down below I have linked two articles that might be helpful if you are interested in reading more about the controversy.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments