I remember in high school when my friends asked me to go get fro-yo with them one weekend. This may not seem like a big deal, but for the girl who never got to go anywhere, it was the event of a lifetime. I tried to play it cool with a "Sure! I'd love to come! What time do you guys want to go?"

"Well, whenever you have your car," they said. It was then I knew that I was being used again because I was the only one who had a driver's license. I came up with some excuse why I couldn't come anymore and when I hung up the phone, I threw it on my bed in frustration and thought, "Why am I always the second choice?"

Five years later, a little wiser and with different friends, I still can't tell you why. I can't figure out why guys flock to my friends but look over me. I don't know why my best friend has another best friend. I've spent over half my life feeling invisible and having no idea what it is that makes me a second choice friend/girlfriend/whatever. I'm constantly in the grey area because I'm not first or last but somewhere in between.

It sucks. It really, really sucks. But you know that. You've probably been told a million times that you deserve to be first and you're probably going to roll your eyes when I say the same thing but it's true. I don't know you but I know you have an amazing personality, a tender heart, and a creator who made you. And you know what else? Your creator, the God who made the heavens and the Earth, made you. He didn't put you second. He made all the things you love about yourself and, yes, even the things you wish you could change. It's pretty awesome that the God who knows every single star by name knows you and hears you. He knows you feel like second but he puts you first and that's pretty cool.

I wish someone had told me this five years ago when I searched for acceptance in earthly relationships. It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak and endless hours of disecting myself wondering what was wrong with me. But I will say this: being second choice gave me blessings beyond measure. I have realized that there is always a bright side, even if I have to look a little harder than others to find it. I have an amazing relationship with my mom because of the hours I spent at home and found an amazing friend in her. Through competing for first place in someone's heart, I know heartache. I know now that I am not satisfied with being second and I will search until I find someone that puts me first. I will find them. Blessings upon blessings.

Looking back on those friends who invited me to fro-yo, I am still a little bitter but I also feel a little sorry for them. I'm sorry that all they saw me as was second. I'm sorry that they will never know how much I cared for them and wanted the best for them, even when they treated me like I was nothing. But most of all, I'm sorry that they will never see me as first. I deserve first.

And so do you.

Sincerely,

A struggling second.