It wasn’t you, it was me. I didn’t fit into your idea of friendship. I wasn’t feeling like myself, so I decided to isolate myself from you all. It ended up being the best thing I have ever done. This is not a reflection of who you are as people, but rather of who I am as a person. Our interests did not line up. I found myself in a weird place. I had fun with you all, but I wasn’t myself. Reuniting with you all after a month-long winter break, I found myself missing the distance. So after a few weeks, I decided to separate myself from the friend group for a month. That is all I needed to realize that I was turning down the opportunity to get to know other people because I already had plans with all of you.

I found this to be extremely limiting; as an extrovert, I like to be surrounded by different types of people, but you all were the same. No matter if all 4 of us were together, or if it was a one-on-one, I found the conversations to be shallow and monotonous. I need diversity in my life, and while racially, we are all diverse, I seek a diversity of thought. I unfortunately could not find that in our friendship.

I thank you for the memories, but I did not quite enjoy them. I found myself to be a part of an exclusive clique—something I bitterly resented. I found myself ignoring the values I grew up with. I found myself having to justify leaving early or being absent from social meetings. College is about finding who you are and who you would like to be, not losing yourself to please people you’re not even compatible with. The truth of the matter is: I didn’t fit in.

One of you once said that we are only really friends because we either study together or party together. I have no interest in doing either with any of you, so I guess we never really were friends. I am so glad that you all are such great friends, and that you have found each other. I’m happy that you’re happy. I need to find this happiness, too —away from you all. Now that I have distanced myself, I find my life to be more positive, even if you have been negative towards me. I do not blame you, nor do I blame myself. My life is better this way, and I’m sure yours is too. I now find myself doing things that none of you would have ever been interested in, and I am greatly enjoying myself.

I am now realizing our friendship was limiting. I refuse to ever be confined to the social standards of an exclusive group. I refuse to ever allow myself to feel restricted from trying new things with new people because I already have friends. For the first few weeks of our friendship, I thoroughly enjoyed our time together, but for the remainder weeks, I found it to be a waste of time, yet I was too scared to venture off by myself. After being apart for sometime, I decided I was better off without all of you, as I am sure you are all better off without me.

Even after this realization, I do not resent, nor do I regret our time together, but rather, I have decided to reflect on our friendship, to allow myself to grow as a person. This way, I have been able to find healthy friendships that value the interests of all involved parties. I thank you for the time we spent together, as it has allowed me to mature and become who I am.