Dear Dad,

When I was a child and went to my best friend's house for sleepovers, I never understood why her dad lived at home, and mine did not. From my earliest memories, our relationship always seemed like an arrangement set by the court to visit every Sunday for four hours. It was difficult growing up without you as a role model in my life, and it hurt... but in the end, it has made me stronger.

When I was still a child, I was excited to see you, but it seemed you were never excited to see me. I loved it, as any child would, when you would take me to Pizza Hut and we could spend time getting to know one another. But at some point this changed -- I’m not sure if it happened when you divorced the other woman, or when you decided to move away from a new love. Somewhere in the mess of you leaving our hometown, I lost any hope of a relationship with you.

You moved on with your life and left me behind. You knew moving away would ruin us, and I understand you wanted the opportunity to let your new relationship blossom, but it just hurts knowing you were okay pushing me aside.

I’m glad you found your new family; I just wish I could be a part of it. I know you tried, but it wasn't the same. It was never just you and I; never just father-daughter bonding. It had become father, daughter, step-mother, step-brother, and step-sister bonding. I felt neglected that you were taking care of someone else’s son and had another daughter, and you loved them dearly but never gave me that affection or care.

When I was in high school, I decided to stop seeing you -- the decision wasn't my mother's, but mine. I was tired of faking this relationship that was never there. I know you once told me you regretted the path that we’d gone down, but you didn’t do anything to fix it. Maybe you figured it was a waste of your time to fix something that is too far gone already. I’ll never know the answers, though, and that’s just how it is.

All I wanted was my dad to come to my chorus concerts, the way he came and supported his other daughter, taught her how to ride a bike, saw her dressed up for prom, and was overprotective. I wanted the stereotypical dad. I wanted a mentor. But what I got was an absentee dad -- and the world’s best grandfather stepping up and taking your place.

I was never OK with your decision to leave, nor was I content with our relationship. It caused me many mental hardships because I blamed myself for your actions. But I’ve realized that a 7-year-old was not at fault for her father leaving. I’ve grown up, and despite all the struggles I endured because you left, there will always be a part of me that loves you. Maybe it's because I remember what it was like I was in kindergarten, when our four hours were just the two of us, and how happy it made me. Maybe it's simply because you are my father.

I want to say thank you, though, because everything that has happened to me as a result of you leaving has made me a stronger individual, and maybe that is all a dad is meant to do.

Sincerely,