Dear Professor,

I'm going to be very honest. I don't want to be in this class. Public speaking isn't exactly "my thing." I thought I had gotten it over with my freshman year of of high school, never to be seen again. I had already stuttered and sweated through too many"formal" speeches in my short eighteen years and I was not ready to go back. But lo and behold, I was informed at orientation that your class is required. Oh joy. Don't get me wrong; I respect your position as a teacher and have nothing against you. It's the idea of speaking.

For our first assignment you had us email you and share a little bit about ourselves that could be considered important to the class. I decided to come clean and tell you about my anxiety. To my utter dismay, you assumed that I was talking about speech anxiety, and said we could overcome that by the end of the semester.

I was tempted to email you back just to clarify, but I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms, so I'll write it here, where maybe you'll see it but not be told quite as directly.

Hi, my name is Jamie and I suffer from anxiety. I was diagnosed with a couple anxiety disorders about a year ago and it hasn't been an easy road. It's not just public speaking I fear, even though that is a major one. It's everything. A little breathing exercise on page twenty one of my workbook won't fix what therapy and medication still can't seem to do. Practice won't make perfect; believe me I would know.

I know for a fact that the thoughts I have are irrational; that's part of the problem. I know exactly how nuts I sound, but I still imagine just exploding into atoms the second I get up to the front of the room. What if I sound stupid? Everyone could hate me. I could fail, and don't even get me started on what my parents would think. There's even more but that would just lead to a spiral neither you nor I could get out of.

But, of course I can't tell you any of this directly. You have hundreds of students to keep track of, and I have way too much pride to admit it. I don't like admitting to weakness, especially when it comes to something that will dictate my future. If I seem weak, then nobody will think I can do anything. So, public speaking will be attended every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday without fail. Will I hate it? Oh you have no idea; it'll be the dread of my day. But I have to if i want to graduate, and I really need to graduate. Please understand that I'm trying; it may not look like it, but I am. I'm not blowing you off or not taking this class seriously. Just try to understand that this isn't something that comes naturally to me.

Thank you,

Jamie