September 2010
Dear 12-year-old Christine,
Listen to me: if there was one and only one thing I would say to you, it would be that every little thing is gonna be alright. You will get everything that you have always wanted no matter how long it takes. I swear. I know what you want as a teenager: to have a vibrant social life where you would laugh out loud with friends and hang out with them a lot. But I know you are really struggling to fulfill that desire.
You just started seventh grade. You are in a period when the art of entering a conversation changes. It may feel like everyone is intending to exclude you but trust me they are not. You may think this is the way things are because you are so very used to kids always including you. But now you must talk about other people’s interests whether you are interested or not as well as initiate and interject into conversations. Know that it is not possible that one day you have no idea to navigate the adolescent social world and that the next day you are a pro; this is a process that takes time, perseverance, and practice. The times when you fail to succeed in interacting with your peers may be miserable but will push you to try again and again and again. Every time you fall down you will rise up even higher. Practice does make better. That being said, if there are times when you do not succeed in reaching out to friends with those conversational skills, by no means you should take this personally. Sometimes people are so carried away by their thoughts that they are not aware of their surroundings. Still, you should focus on those skills.
One thing that can help find friends is to find people with common interests. When you share an interest with somebody else, you two have something to talk about. You like Taylor Swift? I encourage you to find people who also like her. Maybe you can take them to see her live in concert when she goes on tour. An easy way to find people who share your interests is to get involved in extracurricular activities. Oh don’t you like to sing? Do you remember when you were in fourth grade, your mom heard you singing songs from High School Musical songs and thought you had such a strong voice that she encouraged you to join a chorus? But you never wanted to. Maybe you should do that someday; I know you can feel uncomfortable singing in a choir. Oh eighth graders get the opportunity to perform in a musical and you should totally do that. By doing all these activities, you will realize how beautiful your voice actually is. I know this will get you far in boosting your confidence.
Know that EVERYONE around you is struggling socially. It is common for people at this age to have to learn how to survive the social world. It’s called teen angst. Everybody deals with friendship drama. Everybody feels left out at times. Hollywood movies may brainwash you into thinking that being a teenager is cool and that you get to party all the time but this is NOT what real life is like. I guess being a teenager can be overrated.
Lastly, every year will get better. Besides, people commonly frown upon middle school looking back on it. High school is a lot better yet the teen angst does not disappear; it only goes away gradually. While I encourage you to take in everything I wrote in this letter, do not dismiss the fact that your middle and high school years mean so very little in the grand scheme of things. In fact, a lot of people, if not everyone, find their best of friends in college. Those friendships last forever.
Like Christopher Robin said, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Now go break some ceilings!
With love,
18 year old Christine
