I was young when we fell in love, only sixteen. It was 2014 and everything was going wrong for me. Facing a broken home, back-to-back toxic relationships, and a mindset of “it's never going to get better”, I felt lost. Holding such a yearning for companionship, our distance didn't stop me from talking to you. I didn't think much would come of it. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and seeing that we were clearly miles and miles apart, I didn't think you were either. Frequent texts turned into 7-hour long phone calls that would end in both of us falling asleep to the sound of the other's breathing. The tunes to the songs you wrote and played for me are still strung into my mind, as they always will be. I can't listen to “Sea of Love” without crying. The only way to accurately describe what happened between us is to use such a cliché and overused quote, “we fell in love slowly, then all at once”.

We both felt, and possibly even knew, that we were meant for each other. Almost two years have passed and I still believe this, deeply. Although it seemed as if our relationship was bound to fail, I chose to be blissfully ignorant. Ignorant to the fact that I was beautifully in love with a boy to whom I could never see. Ignorant to the passive ways in which you turned to when you couldn't choose to be ignorant anymore. You were right for breaking up with me, although I didn't want to believe it at the time. I was still in high school, moving onto college in just a year. You were in Florida, trying to make your dreams come true and doing the things you've always wanted to. No matter how badly I wanted to call you mine, I had too much love for you to hold you back and make you stop fulfilling your dreams. Your talent and potential shined through you like you were made of stained glass.

Breakdowns and crying fits became almost daily for me and showed just how much of an impact you left in less than a year. How could I function without you? How could I fall asleep knowing that I wouldn't hear your voice or wake up from a text from you? A dangerous mixture of anger and sadness caused me to form my own personal vendetta against you. I couldn't believe you could hurt me so much and seemingly not care. The poems I wrote threw daggers at the prepossessing image I had of you in my head. The soft boy with the blue eyes and bright smile would never make me feel like this. Hearing not one word from you for almost three months broke me apart more than I ever knew was possible; but as soon as I saw that first text pop up on my phone, coming from the boy with the bear emoji next to his name, I realized you were still you.

I have come to finally accept that it's okay for us to not be together. Hearing you tell me that you'll always love me on that night in late July, as I finally got to play with your hair, was the only type of closure I could have ever needed. One of the biggest inconveniences in life is meeting the right person at the very, very wrong time. I'm okay with going long periods of time without talking to you. I'm okay with just being friends. We might not be together but I still feel your love in so many different ways. You think to come to me when you're upset and need someone to talk to, and that makes me happier than I could ever put into words. You tag me in the dog videos that you know I'll squeal over. I'm always here for you, I always will be. It was, and still is, a privilege to love you.

Yours forever,

Kelli