Dear “R” Word User,

I’m sure you’re not a bad person. You’re probably close with your family, have good friends, and you might even donate to charity or spend time volunteering. But whether it’s everyday, a few times a week, or only when you’re realllly frustrated, you make a monumental mistake. You use the word retarded to describe something or someone that is insufficient or unintelligent.

Back in the early days of diagnosing disabilities, the word retarded was developed as a way to identify someone as slower developing (be it cognitively or mentally) than the typical person. Over time, however, the word became tied to the idea that people with disabilities are inferior to everyone else. By continuing to say the R word, you are maintaining this retroactive mindset, and allowing those around you to believe it is acceptable.

If your excuse is that it just slips out because you hear people around you say it, I have a few questions. Instead of adapting your language and catching on to that offensive vocabulary, why didn’t you kindly ask the person(s) spewing this word to think of another adjective that isn’t so demeaning to an entire population of people who- believe it or not- are just like them? Did you think to educate them on the disturbing nature of their word choice, or did you decide it was easier to catch on? Or, perhaps the R word loses its original meaning when it’s describing something like a bad decision your friend made, instead of a person with an intellectual disability. No matter what reasoning you have for choosing the R word, it’s time to pick something different.

You might be wondering why it’s taken so seriously, even though you’re just kidding around when you use it. It’s taken to heart because it’s separating individuals with disabilities into a category of things you never want to be placed in. Using the R word places a label on people with disabilities, making them whatever adjective you should have used in its place. For example, if you call a seemingly idiotic comment “retarded,” you are equating the disabled population with the word idiotic- which is simply degrading, unjustified, and incorrect.

The fact is, using the R word to describe something stupid is untrue. I work with exceptional children everyday, and none of them are unintelligent. In the same way that you and I excel at different things, people with disabilities have their own unique skillset. Some are good at math, others at art, and some at using computers. However, I have learned the most valuable thing from the kids I work with: when something you do makes someone happy, keep doing it. Whether it’s making a funny face or playing a silly game, my students will continue to do something if they see it puts a smile on my face. This is something that represents not only intelligence in the understanding of the feelings of others, but also compassion.

So, take a lesson from the people that you are equating to something lesser than you. Learn that degrading an entire population of beautiful humans will make this world one that becomes less accepting of differences and more accepting of hate. Learn that you, using grace and kindness, can #SpreadTheWordToEndTheWord by cutting it out of your vocabulary, and encouraging friends, family, coworkers, and strangers to do the same. Try providing them with these suggestions:

• “Could you please use a different word? It’s offensive to some people.”
• “I would really appreciate it if you didn’t use that word. Did you mean what you were describing was ridiculous?”
• “You are far too intelligent, kind, and compassionate to use such an offensive word.”
• “Hey, buddy. I’m not sure if you know this, but that word is offensive. Try saying something different that doesn’t target a group of people.”

By eliminating it from your vocabulary and encouraging those around you to do the same, we can create justice for those with disabilities.

Sincerely,