You know how people say, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy?" I would wish allergies on my worst enemy. It isn't going to kill you, unless you have a sneezing fit merging on the 101. Allergies will slowly and surely ruin your life.
You know how people sound when they are congested? Like a nasally, and almost annoying voice? That is what I sound like year-round; I would probably have a completely different voice If it wasn't schlepping around this schnauze I have. I sound like squidward if you need something to base it off of.
I've always been a big fan of beer; one of my aspirations at one point was to become a cicerone, which is the equivalent of what a sommelier is to wine. But my nose ruined that. To be a beer expert, you have to be able to catch subtle aromas and flavors from the beers to identify them. You know how when your nose is stuffed up and can't really taste anything? Welcome to my life, grab some tissues on your way in.
Ah tissues, one of the few weapons I have in this war against congestion. I always have something to blow my nose with, whether it be tissues, napkins or tree bark. When I go to Chipotle, I always stock up on ammo.
You know that feeling you get when you're going to sneeze? That's how I feel most of the day; I've gotten pretty good at holding back sneezes. My girlfriend would probably disagree with me on this. I will miss whole parts of conversations sometimes because I'll have a sneezing fit. Sometimes I'll start sweating after a sneezing fit; so yeah, its a real good time.
I know what you're all thinking, how can this situation get any worse? Cats.
My girlfriend and I have this chumbo of a cat named that gets her and her cat hair on everything. I love her, but this cat is slowly becoming the bane of my existence. Since my girlfriend is on the path to becoming a cat lady, I know this will be my life for some time.
In this perfect storm of dust, pollen and pet dander, not even allergy medicine can fully protect you. What can you do to combat allergies then? By taking preventative steps before you are afflicted, of course. What are these steps? Step 1: Not have allergies in the first place. Step 2: If step 1 doesn't work, cut off your nose. Step 3: stop the bleeding from the now gaping hole in your face. Step 4: learn to live without a nose. Step 5: realize living without a nose is better than living with allergies and have a good day.
