Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I drink Diet Coke like it's water. Actually, I drink Diet Coke way more than I drink water. Good, bad, or otherwise, it’s who I am and I couldn’t live without it.
One thing that I could live without, however, are the bystanders who constantly feel the need to bring up the lack of nutritional value that my carbonated BFF has to offer. To those people, I have a few things to say.
As hard as it is for you to believe, I’m well aware of the fact that Diet Coke is made up of an array of chemicals. Do you people really think that I’ve never looked at the label on one of those beautiful silver cans? Believe me, I’ve practically memorized the names of each and every ingredient: carbonated water, caramel color (conveniently nicknamed Caramel E150d), Aspartame, Acesulfame K, caffeine, phosphoric acid, citric acid, and a source of phenylalanine.
I mean, how could any of that sh*t be good for you? Do you know what else is bad for you?
- Bacon
- Beer
- Pizza
- Mozzarella sticks
- Biting your nails
Shall I go on?
Your color commentary is not going to change my mind. Believe it or not, I’ve heard this all many times before.
Your opinion is not going to make me drop my most prized possession and never pick up another one up for the rest of my life. I know that this might seem weird, but I’m not going to change the most important aspect of my life just because Dr. Oz (Is he really even a doctor?) says that Diet Coke will give me a heart attack.
Why do you care so much? I understand that you’re my best friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s uncle and that my health is certainly high on your priority list, but the amount of concern that you show toward my Diet Cola addiction is just slightly bizarre.
Some of you drink coffee, some of you drink beer, and some of you (the rare few) drink water. I, on the other hand, drink Diet Coke. I’ve accepted my love for the beverage, along with the plethora of baggage that comes along with it, and if gulping down a few DCs a day shaves a couple of years off my life, at least I’ve lived life to the fullest and found my true happiness.
Besides, it makes me feel like Taylor Swift.
