Whenever I say that I am "Asian" rather than "Asian American," "American Chinese," or "Confused American Twinkie-Banana", you rant until you're blue in the face about how I have to identify as American, either because I was born here or because I have American citizenship. Anytime I talk about how I don't like when people appropriate my culture or have "yellow fever," you interrupt to tell me that the only Asian people who ever experience racism and are capable of being culturally aware are Asian people living in Asia -- or, as you love to put it, "real Asians."
Before I discuss why saying that I'm "not really Asian" and "white on the inside" is problematic, I think I'll have an open word with everyone who's ever been racist to me.
Dear everyone who's ever been racist to me,
Remember when you stared at me and my family when we were in your restaurant in the suburbs? Remember when in elementary school, you and all your friends were demanding on a daily basis that I speak my language for you like some kind of circus animal trick? Or how about that time when you yelled "Konnichiwa" at me as I was getting into my mom's car? I remember that too.
Well, it turns out that if you unzip my skin, there's a white American guy underneath. That's right -- those Asian features that were the basis for you othering me were iron-on patches this entire time. I also have American citizenship, I was born in Milwaukee, and I have never been anywhere outside the USA. Oh, and guess what else? Yesterday I had microwavable macaroni and cheese for dinner, and right after that I watched Shrek and Monsters, Inc. with my frie-
Hey! Why are you laughing?! Cut that out! I'm white on the inside! I even have a zipper right here on my finger, see? ...Oh wait. That was actually just a hangnail, and now I'm bleeding because I pulled it too hard. I am looking, but there is no whiteness to be found under my supposedly synthetic skin.
But wait! If I dig a little deeper, there's bones... oh, and white blood cells. Both of those things are white!
See? I'm white on the inside, just like y- EXCUSE YOU, YOU ARE NOT TO LAUGH AT THE LOGIC OF YOUR FELLOW WHITE PERSON LIKE THIS! STOP THA AT ONCE!
Do you see how ridiculous you sound now? Exactly.
But in case that's not a good enough reason for you to stop saying that I'm "not really Asian" and "white on the inside," here's some more reasons:
1. Diaspora Asian people are not inherently less culturally aware than Asian people from Asia. First of all, some of us are children of immigrants who raised us with the culture, and some of us are immigrants. Second of all, there's this really great thing called the Internet, on which I can learn about my culture if I choose to. Are some of us not culturally aware? Maybe, but a lack of cultural awareness is not going to surgically remove one's Asian heritage or act as an immunization shot against experience anti-Asian racism.
2. You're being racist. Telling me that I'm "white on the inside" for doing something that falls outside your expectations of what an Asian person does or doesn't do, is no different than telling your male friend he's really a girl because he likes Mean Girls and wears pink. If you would not try to tell me that the latter is not sexist, you cannot say the former is not racist -- they follow the same type of backwards logic, and they both police, invalidate, and ultimately harm the demographic they're directed at.
Furthermore, if you are a white American, you can like anime without people insisting you're not a real American and you must be Japanese on the inside. You can eat Chinese food without anyone saying, "Real Americans eat burgers and French fries, sweetie." You don't have to be fluent in French, Swedish, English, and Russian before you talk about how you're part French, part Swedish, part English, and part Russian. I don't know of any people of color in the USA who have reported getting that same courtesy, and that speaks for itself.
3. You never say these things when it could actually benefit us. You only say it when we say how we define our heritage, when we don't fit a stereotype, or when we speak about anti-Asian racism and say something you don't like. I have been called an "Asian freak." I have had my language called a "noise." I have had someone beg to date me because they wanted an Asian significant other. Yet during every one of those situations, you were strangely silent about the illegitimacy of my Asian ethnicity. (Not that it would have mattered to the people being racist to me if you weren't.)
4. I am proud of my Asian heritage, and so are many of my fellow Asian people. It's something many of us see as a part of us -- a big part of us that is influential on how we perceive the world, how we live, and how we get treated. We couldn't ignore it even if we wanted to. Furthermore, if I were to tell my family, "Sorry, I can't speak Toisanese with you anymore or accept these hung baos. I'm white on the inside now!", they would be heartbroken. If I were to just shut out all the parts of my life that came with being Han Chinese, my life would be completely different. So don't you dare try to tell me that that part of me is lesser or somehow invalid just because I don't fit your ignorant ideals of what an Asian person is.
5. American citizenship and/or being born in America do not inherently mean someone will want to identify with American culture -- and even if they did, that still doesn't negate that they have Asian heritage and are therefore Asian. To quote Tanuja Desai Hidier, "A hyphenated identity doesn't mean you're 50-50. You can be 100-100... A hyphen doesn't have to be a border, it can also be a bridge." In other words, you can be fully Asian and fully American; the two are not mutually exclusive.
So to everyone who tells me I'm "white on the inside" or "not really Asian," I ask, "Where is my zipper, and why didn't you unzip me when I actually needed you to?"
