Dear Past,

I really wish you would leave me the hell alone. Pardon me if I seem a little angrier than the last time you visited. You seem to always revisit on the most terrible times. Don't you have someone else to bother? Why do you choose me every. single. time. I am sick and tired of you coming in and ruining my life. I will admit, I allow you too. I sit and allow you to creep into my mind and eventually into my heart and you consume me. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. I am writing you this letter to bid you goodbye. I no longer will allow you to haunt me and ruin me. Who are you to say, that the things I have done can't be forgiven? Or that I can't move forward from them? Every single time I have tried, I take two steps forward and you hold me four steps back. You have no control over me ANYMORE! .You and fear are one powerful team. You keep me from making the decisions I want to make, you try and remind me that I will never be good enough for a bright future, or a new start. You make people think they can never make a come back because what they have done, you leech on to their minds and suck every piece of happiness or remembrance of the good times and things. YOU ARE WRONG! Hell has no fury on a women who is willing to fight with no plans of giving up, so heed my warning. I am tossing my hair in a bun, drinking some Dr. Pepper, putting on some Hillsong and handling myself. Without you. I will remember the lessons that came along with you but that is it. Nothing and no one is perfect sweet heart. You are a liar straight from the pits of hell. I'm tired of feeling like my life is a test I didn't study for, so this is me flunking out."Breathe. Let it go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure"- Oprah Winfrey

To my present,

I see you girl. You are trying. You really are. Your heart is weak, but yet you do your very best to put a smile on. Everything happens for a reason. Rise up! Scream what YOU want at the tops of your lungs. It's okay to be you, whether you think so or not, people love you for you. They may not like or understand what you want to do but who cares? It's your life. Do what you want to do and don't worry, I have your back. I took it upon myself to take past out of your life. I think you and I both know that she was not doing the best things for you, you can breathe. She's gone now. You never have to look back again, keep moving forward, keep pushing. "If I’ve learned anything from life, it’s that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. I’ve learned that the most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons; that our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people. I’ve learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually just the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. I’ve learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I’ve learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can’t give up. We have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward, because whatever we’re battling in the moment, it will pass, and we will make it through. We’ve made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next."— Daniell Koepke

You have to take responsibility.I know you think you can't be forgiven but I promise you...You already are. You are weak and you don't feel like fighting anymore but between you and I, I have an amazing future on our side. Stop fighting a battle that's already been won. "Your help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth! He WON'T fail you!" Don't you dare give up, you have come so far. This time is just a season, you know this. Your mom has told you that a trillion times.YOU are worth it. You are. Don't lose site of the shore, you are so close. No one has given up on you. It's time...be like Elsa..LET IT GO! The comeback is always stronger than the setback!

Lastly to my Future,

You are just that. Future. Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about discovering who God created you to be. "Faith is confidence in what we HOPE for and assurance about what we do not SEE" Hebrews 11:1. I can't see what you have in store, but I am reminded love never fails. His love never fails. I've stopped running. I have found rest and given you, my future, to the one who has already molded and shaped it into what he wants.

Thy Will Be Done,

Kristien

C.F.M.

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." -2 Corinthians 4:17