Dear Past,
You do not define me. Yes, you are important. You have shaped me into who I am today, and I am beyond thankful for the good and bad, the self-inflicted, and beyond-my-control experiences I’ve endured.
However, you are not who I am.
Have I done things I’m not proud of? Yes. Am I a bad person because of these mistakes? No, I am human. Have I endured unavoidable hardships? Yes. Should I dwell on them? No, but I should learn from them. Have I acted irrationally in the past? Yes. Am I an irrational person? No, but I have my moments. Have I fallen one too many times to count? Yes. Am I a weak person as a result? No, everyone trips up.
You can no longer be an excuse or a reason to never succeed. Why? Because I am greater than the mistakes I’ve made. I am not my shortcomings. I am not my failures. I am not my hardships. I am not my mistakes. You should not drive my life. I am in control of my future, not you. Using you as a guidebook has only left me more behind than before. You are a terrible shepherd. Living by the past is, of course, the safest route for my ego, but how will I ever grow if I am always playing it safe? If I am always living in fear of the past repeating itself?
There comes a moment when a person must stop living in fear of not being good enough and stop living in regret for the choices made. Just because I’ve messed up before doesn’t mean I always will, and assuming so is like being a flower that refuses to bloom. Stop thinking. Stop worrying. I have to stop obsessing about you, Past, and just be. Living will never be an option if I just continue to exist, constantly tip-toeing around challenges, confrontations, opportunities, or anything else that could help me reach my full potential. All because of what? Because I am afraid of making a fool of myself, of failing, of making more mistakes? It’s a sad and careful way to live.
From this moment on, you will no longer limit me. I will no longer allow you to control my life, to define me, because I now know change and the ability to overcome is always a possibility. I will not let you convince me otherwise. There is no valley too steep to rise out of and beyond; you are done being the gravity that pulls me down. Thank you for being a reminder of how far I’ve come, but I still have plenty of momentum left to drive me to the mountains.
So let's keep you where you belong, and occasionally check in with you as a reminder, but not as a guide. You have your place. You have been there to teach me lessons and to help me grow, but it is impossible to move forward when you hover in the present. So I’m letting you go.
I promise you, Past, I am not who you think I am.
-Mary
