Dear Parent,
The world can be a scary and cold place for people who are not seen as pretty, wise or strong enough. People will criticize and try to destroy you, but in the same way there will also be people who will do whatever it takes to make sure you live the best life possible. Families teach the importance of unity and to stand with each other when things go wrong. If the world is already bad, then where are they supposed to seek shelter if not in their own home where they have been raised to believe that is their safe haven?
Disowning or making negative remarks when your child comes out will not make your home any better. It will not make your child love or seek you any further and it will not make your house any holier. A verse in Leviticus is no excuse for making your child believe the vile things the world can be saying about them. When someone comes out, all they want is for their loved ones to acknowledge their identity and respect it. Your child is being honest with you and wants you to know this part of them because they want you to be a part of their lives. They want you to be available if they want to talk about their identity freely from the fear of rejection and humiliation.
If you have any questions about their identity or wish to learn more, then simply ask them! Be a part of their lives and show interest in them. This will help form a bond between you and your child which will show that you care to listen to them and grow with them as they too begin their journey of self discovery. You may learn a thing or two!
If you grew up with the idea that attraction to the same-sex is wrong, then you're not alone. For years, many people have believed that it was a mental illness and it could be controlled or even eliminated with conversion therapy. However, research has shown that conversion therapy is not successful and it only causes more harm to the individual. Homosexuality was eventually removed from the DSM when psychologists realized that it isn't a choice. No one decides a life where they might face being disowned by their families or targeted in public. It's not a choice.
The most important point I want to make is that when a child comes out to you, simply love them. Love them for who they are. Love that your child is deciding to open up to you, it means they want to be closer and trust you. Love them when they are insecure about themselves, tell them they are still your baby no matter what. They need to be reinforced with the notion that you still love them regardless of the fact that your dreams as a parent won't come true. Keep in mind that while these are your babies and you want to give them the world, they are also separate beings with dreams of their own. You may dress them, feed them and teach them all the languages you want, but it is ultimately their happiness that should be the proudest thing you've accomplished.
