A large, loving heart has always been what I consider my best qualities, but also the thing that puts me in the most danger. Because, despite what experience has taught me, what people like you have taught me, I put forth everything I have into the next person, whether it be a friend or lover, and expect to get the same in return. Every time it hurts when it all crumbles when they leave with what feels like everything I have, and they never gave me a shred of reciprocation.

You were no different.

For a long time I was angry, but now I’m sitting here and taking a moment to tell you that you didn’t break me like you thought you did. You didn’t make me less of a person. If anything, you were a lesson that I needed to learn.

You made me feel like I was never supposed to be a priority, that despite my problems and what I was going through, you always had some more pressing issue. I thought nothing of it because, well of course, I’ll put you first — you seem to be having a hard time. That gets tiring. It’s exhausting to always be beaten down and told that what I’m feeling, what I’m going through, isn’t bad enough to warrant your time and energy. The scary thing is that I fed into that, time and time again. Even though you made me feel like I was wrong for needing to walk away, that I was selfish for stepping back and standing up for myself, I know that I wasn’t wrong at all.

Now? Now I’m stronger than I was and stronger than you are too. Because I know you’re out there doing to the next person who lets you in the same exact thing you did to me. I feel sorry for them, and I just hope they smarten up faster than I did. More than that, though, I feel sorry for you. You’ll never know what it feels like to give to someone the kind of time and effort and attention you always take. You’ll never know the blessings that come with having a big heart, the way that it builds communities in and around you. You’ll never give back to those who give up everything for you, and because of that, you’re never going to realize the full potential of what love, whatever kind it may be, really is.

I’m sure it’ll happen to me again. I’m sure someone else is going to walk into my life, with wounds that need tending, and I’ll do my best to heal them. They may very well take my time and energy and never offer anything back. I refuse to grow bitter. If you have taught me anything, it’s that my resilience stems from the same thing that breaks me in the first place. I’m not going to let people like you, the people who take and take, destroy what makes me, me. You never gave back to me and it hurt, a part of me was permanently changed, and I’m a different person now because of you. That doesn’t mean that I’m a weaker person; it doesn’t mean that I’m a jaded person. You changed me but your neglect taught me how to realize my own worth, my own beauty, my own strength where I thought I had none. You taught me how to look out for my own emotions, even if there were times that I shouldn’t have had to.

I’m not applauding you for what you did to me. I’m not really forgiving you, either. I am writing this now to show you that you didn’t leave me as a shell of what I used to be. Instead, I built myself up from my own ashes into something stronger and better, something that is more prepared and ready for the next thing that comes along to try and deflate me. There is beauty in my dedication and I will find the people who see that and don’t abuse it. It just didn’t happen to be you.

My mother always tells me that my big heart is a blessing and a curse. I used to not know what she meant by that, but because of people like you I know now that she’s right. I have a heart that’s filled with love and as time goes on I’m learning that no matter how hard people like you may try, you will not squander me. I will get back up again and love just as I loved before. A little wiser, a little more cautious, but with the same enthusiasm as before the storm of you blew into my life.

I’m worth my own time, and I’m worth someone else’s, too. If you gave me anything, it was that very realization.

Sincerely,

Me