Depression is a chemical imbalance that consumes you. I wrote this letter to myself when I was lost and stuck in my own mind battling severe depression.
Dear little fighter,
I know how you're feeling. You're afraid. You're scared that you won't be able to surpass this. You're terrified that you will never feel happy again. Suddenly writing essays and everything that you once found easy to do is incredibly difficult. Zoning out at your computer screen is a common occurrence. You can't get through the day without calling your mom after classes or hanging out with friends. You can't make decisions. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You feel alone. Even in a group of people and friends, you feel alone. You're drowning in your own thoughts. They flood your ears and you can't hear the people or professors around you. Everything is a blur. You don't know who your friends are and if you even have any. You miss your family and old friends. You can't even cry yourself to sleep because sleeping is a rare occasion.
You feel stuck in this immovable state where you can't really enjoy anything and you just don't feel like you belong to anything or anyone yet. You don't understand. You used to be blissfully happy. Every little thing bugs you and you have trouble finding your place. I know it'll take time. But it will be okay. I promise.
Feelings are temporary, please remember this. What you're feeling now will NOT be what you're feeling always! I only wish you could see yourself as others see you! I wish I had a magic wand to wave that would make all your insecurities go away forever! I can't wait until you realize all the wonderful attributes you have to offer others. Looking back at the pain you endured and how much you tore yourself apart kills me inside. I wish I could show you the future and how well you are doing now. Let me tell you a little bit about that.
You are thriving. You found your home on campus and you couldn't be happier. You are working hard to earn phenomenal grades and you are involved all over campus. Your friends are overflowing. Wherever you look, someone is there to support and love you. Happiness is a feeling that never goes away. A smile is something that is always stretched across your face. You are loved. You are liked. You are important. You mean so much to your friends. You make an impact on campus and on the community. Your professors are proud of you. Your family loves and supports you more than ever. You are strong. You are you. You can get through this.
"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." — Fred Rogers
So when the darkness fills your head and life takes the breath out of your lungs, remember that you are the most important person in your life. Learn to dance in this torrential downpour. Take care of yourself. "Life gets better" is not just a cliche. Forget the past and don't worry about the future. Focus on now and climbing up that ladder. Don't lose hope because little fighter, things will get brighter.
Love,
Your future self
