When you were 17 you gave up on everything you believed in, even yourself. I wish you knew what you know now. But how could you? You were tired, and cold, and insecure. You took risks that could have costed you a lot more than they did. You looked at the world like you owned it and that no consequence would ever reach you.
You let boys rip at your clothes and make disgusting comments towards you because you were told that “boys will be boys.” You laughed along with them because that’s what you did when you were uncomfortable.
You pushed your mom away the most because you could see how concerned she was about you. It bothered you because the thought of someone actually caring about you made you sick. You believed you didn't deserve that.
At 17, you let friends influence you and bad boys change you into someone you weren't because you wanted to feel the adrenaline rush through your veins. You played the mind games better than those same boys because you figured it was better to hurt them than them hurt you. Don't worry, that finally stopped once his voice became better than your favorite song.
Your friends would tell you that he was so good for you and you believed them. But it turned out that he looked like heaven, but made you feel like hell. People told you that your eyes always turned so green when you cried, and dear God nobody made them greener than he did that summer. Your heart was broken for the first time and you felt as though the world had stopped moving. You became small. You lacked the knowledge and strength that you have now, so please listen to me.
Let go of the friends who tore you down just to bring themselves up. Get rid of the boyfriends who sucked the last drops of self love from your soul. Let your mom care about you, because you are going to ask for her when you need someone to talk to. Give the phrase “boys will be boys” the middle finger because you learned that you deserve more than that. I hope you continue to fall in love easily and often because you’ll learn that your heart is warm, large, and passionate. But please remember that with each heartbreak is a lesson in which you will grow and gain strength to get back on your feet. I want you to challenge the world because it is yours to conquer, but understand the limits that it comes with. Don’t be so hard on the person you have become because I am so proud of you.
To my 17-year-old-self, start loving yourself.
Sincerely,
You
