It is really over. It has to be. You said we were too different, and the longer we are apart the more I see it. But I never thought it was a problem. Our differences complimented each other, and it never left us with a dull moment. I crave those moments with you, now that I no longer have them. I miss everything. I know I will be okay, but the road to recovery is long and painful.  

I am not mad at you. Don’t get me wrong -- I was so angry, but the anger fades and all that is left is sadness. Honestly, I would rather be angry. Being angry doesn’t feel like knives stabbing your stomach and heart at all times; sadness does. 

I bet you didn’t know that there are songs and bands I can’t listen to anymore because they make me think of you. Like Coldplay, I bet you didn’t even know you took that one. Eventually, I will be able to listen to them, but not yet. I can’t go to certain restaurants because I know you might be there. And when I smell your cologne, my heart stops. Sometimes, I wake up and reach to my right thinking I will find your bare shoulder and the comforting smell of your skin, but my hand just hits the mattress. And just like that, the reality of us hits me. It is almost paralyzing. 

Out of all of that, the thing I miss the most is my joy -- because you took it. I don’t enjoy riding around in my car singing, anymore. It isn’t the same without you. I can’t get my coffee order anymore, because you are the one who introduced me to it. I can’t fall asleep at night because, heaven forbid, I sleep without your touch. I really miss you and I really miss us. But most of all, I really miss me. I don’t know who I am anymore.

I want you to be happy, and maybe one day we can be friends. I am not ready yet, but I will be. I will learn new songs and find new bands. I will be able to see you at a restaurant and not want to cry or hide. I will be able to walk past the smell of your cologne and not cringe. I will remember that you won’t be there when I wake up. I will find my joy again, find a new coffee order, and find myself falling asleep without you.

I will always miss you. Parts of me will always miss us. But I won’t always miss me. I will find myself, again, right where you left the pieces. It really is over.