You are beautiful. And don’t ever forget it.
Remember when we came home from college during Thanksgiving break and laughed about how much weight we gained since we were no longer dancing five hours a day and eating our moms’ home-cooked meals? Then on our first meal out you ordered a salad—with dressing on the side—when you normally ordered three slices of pizza and asked if we wanted to get ice cream afterwards.
Then you started drinking, and drinking a lot. You normally were so fun to go out with, and you were never that girl that needed to be taken care of. You started throwing up, every single time we went out, and then I began to wonder if you were throwing up when you were sober too.
Our occasional gym visits were turning into daily visits for you, and you began turning down any plans that involved going out to eat. When we went shopping and you hated everything you tried on, and anything you bought was baggy and didn’t highlight the beautiful body you have and once loved too.
You also hated any photo I posted of you on social media, and would make comments highlighting your insecurities and demanding the photo’s deletion.
In doing this, you made me question my body, my beauty, and myself, which is something that I—and we—have never done until recently.
One day, when I was complaining about my body, which became the norm among me and you when returning home for winter break, an older family friend turned to me and said, “You are never going to be this hot again, so appreciate your body. If I had the same body right now that I had at your age, I would walk around naked because I’d be so confident.”
Sure, every college freshman gains weight. It’s due to a variety of reasons: unhealthy food, lack of sports, alcohol, late night eating, stress. But what we rarely realize is that in the midst of all this chaos, we are growing up, and when we grow up, our bodies change.
Girls continuously face body image issues, and with the excessive usage of social media, it seems that now more than ever, girls are facing pressures by comparing themselves to the “perfect body.”
I wish you realized how beautiful you are to me, and how much more beautiful you were when you were confident, happy, and yourself. Insecurities swallow you up and replace you with an empty, broken person void of joy or excitement. When someone has an eating disorder, they are sick and need emotional and sometimes physical support and guidance from family, friends, and professionals.
We will someday look back on ourselves at this very moment and say, “why would I think I was fat? I was so beautiful.” We will regret not loving our bodies in the moment, not dressing to highlight our beautiful curves, and not eating that cheeseburger that looked and sounded so delicious.
To my best friend who is getting help and getting back to her old self: I love you, I am here for you, and you are so beautiful. I can’t wait for you to realize that same thing, hopefully sooner rather than later.
If you or someone you love is battling with an eating disorder, call The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline at 800-931-2237.
