The first memory I have of my mother isn’t a good one. In fact, my entire time I spent in her custody wasn’t the greatest experience, but despite it all I loved her. She was my mom, after all, and when she left it crushed me.
How can a 6-year-old girl be expected to learn anything without the guidance of her mother? How do you think it felt when you chose the drugs over your own child? I mean, you could have at least tried to show up to court and fight for me, but you didn’t.
How could you lie to me and tell me that my dad was dead when in reality, he was only a few states away with a family of his own that he had no problem accepting me into? In all honesty, you robbed me and my dad of something that’s really special. Just as much as a girl needs her mom, she needs her dad too. You stole the opportunity for us to have a relationship when I was little, so building up that relationship was twice as difficult as it should have been.
You leaving me taught me a lot about who I am. I’m stronger because of it. You leaving me has hurt me more than anything else in my life. You were supposed to be there for me no matter what and you haven’t been. I used to think it was my fault that you left. Maybe I wasn’t a good enough daughter; maybe I didn’t meet your expectations.
I’ve realized in the past 13 years that you leaving had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. Your choices are a reflection of who you are, not who I am. You chose to leave your daughter and then lie to everyone you knew and tell them she was kidnapped or lost. You’ve known perfectly well where I was for the past 13 years and if you didn’t, there are plenty of ways to find me.
This letter isn’t about the drugs, the lies or the way you left. In all honesty, this letter is about thanking you. If you hadn’t left me I wouldn’t have lived with my dad, who is the greatest man I have ever known. If you hadn’t left me, I probably wouldn’t have graduated high school and I surely wouldn’t be going to college. If you hadn’t left me, my real mom wouldn’t have had the chance to come into my life and show me what it means to have someone love you unconditionally.
The truth is, I probably won’t ever completely stop hurting over you leaving, but I can say that I’m a lot better than I used to be. I have two amazing parents who love me no matter what, and I don’t need you. You chose to leave, but I forgive you. I don’t forgive you because you deserve it, but I forgive you because I deserve to let it go. I hope you can forgive yourself one day.
