The fact that it has been over a year since you died still baffles me. It's weird to think that so much has happened since you passed, and there are so many more years to come. I wish you could be a part of them. But, on a happy note, both Brian and I are doing well. He is 21 now and he is almost done getting a degree. He only takes two classes online. As for me, so much has happened.
I turned 18, which is crazy. I graduated from high school - you would have been so proud! Grandma came to see me, and I am so happy she got to see me walk across the stage. Another thing: I am in college now! I go to a small college but it is in a big city. I am planning to become a lawyer, and I know that you would be so proud of me if I told you that.
I don't know if you heard Stacey when we were in the hospital, but she kept her promise to take care of Brian and I. I think you did hear her: you were able to let go knowing that we are in good hands. We are being taken care of. Dad and Stacey have been taking really good care of us and they have been so helpful this last year between you and grandpa passing away. I hope you and grandpa are spending a lot of time together up there.
I miss you. I leave flowers at your grave whenever I am in town, but I live two hours away now so I can only bring them every so often. I used to bring small tubes of glitter whenever I went there. I found them in your house while we were cleaning, and we were together when you bought them. I used to sprinkle the glitter over your grave so that it could sparkle just like you did when you were alive. I know that sounds cheesy but to me it was a good way to remember you. Also, I have a shadow box that has 5 small sections. I have the empty tubes that the glitter was in still and I put them in there.
This letter is getting off the main point, which I haven't even addressed yet...Thank you. Thank you teaching me that not everyone in your life is here to stay and sometimes that is for the best. Thank you for teaching me that family is not always blood, and that sometimes friends make the best family. You taught me that we are all put on this earth for a reason, and you need to work to seek what that is. You always showed me that showing compassion is the best way to show you care and that showing you love someone will show them that they really do matter. I know that you always held those values so close to you. I also know that I will hold those same values close to me.
I miss you more than you will ever understand. The day I lost you was the worst day of my life and I wish I could go back and change the outcome. I lost my mother and my best friend. You showed me that life is short and not to waste time on people and things that do not make me happy. I wish you were here to see all the progress I have made since you left. I promise you that I will not let you down. You are my motivation to keep going. I promise that anything I do in life I will do to make you proud. I know that no matter where I go I will make you proud, but I also know that if I reach my goals, you will be that much more proud of me.
One last thing, I am sorry for lying to you. The biggest lie I ever told you was that I hated you and my biggest fear will always be that you died thinking that. I am so sorry for ever saying that. I never hated you and never will. If I could take it back I would. I know that you know I never meant it, but the thought of you believing it at some point still huts more than anything.
I love you so much and I miss you.