Dear New Girl,

I see you. I’ve checked you out on Instagram and Facebook. It’s not because I’m a creeper. It’s just that I’m trying to make sure you’re not a serial killer. I’m trying to understand the person who is hanging out with my friend. Next to meeting and vetting you in person, this internet stalking is all I’ve got to size you up with. Hopefully, you pass my tests.

First I just want to say good job. You have successfully chosen an awesome person to be friends with in college. I know this for a fact because this person who you have known for about 6 months, I have known for years. I knew them when they were still going through their awkward phase and thought wearing flare jeans was cool. I know all their embarrassing secrets and half the time we can communicate telepathically. You may have a few good inside jokes or memories together, but I have more than I can count.

Secondly, I feel a duty to warn you about this new friend you have chosen. In case, you haven’t already noticed, they can be a little crazy. Not to mention obsessive and just a little difficult sometimes. But they are also laugh out loud funny and thoughtful and an overall cool person to hang with. I’m sure you know you are lucky to know them.

Thirdly, know that I would love to meet you in person because if you are the person my friend has chosen to befriend, then you must be pretty awesome. And frankly, even if, for some bizarre reason, I hate you, I promise to pretend to be okay with you anyways…for the most part.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t have any personal issue with you or anything. Maybe I’m a tad jealous, but that’s to be expected when you get replaced. I mean this isn’t a competition but, if it was, I hope you know I would win. And just know that I still have my eye on you. Silently keeping tabs on you making sure you are being worthy of my best friend.

Sincerely,

The High School Best Friend

P.S. Maybe I’m more than a tad jealous, but can you blame me?