One day I hope it is going to be funny. I hope ten years from now you are either sitting next to me laughing about these moments or I am laughing at how naïve I was for thinking we could ever be something.
We all have that friend who goes back to the same guy over and over again. Well, I am that friend.
I can’t believe since April I kept on going back to you. Correction, I keep on going back to you.
For a while, you were out of sight, out of mind. Summer was easier because of that. We had states between us. But then one day, you were still out of sight, but I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I have been battling myself ever since.
I keep on going back and reminding myself of when things were good. There were days I would be the happiest girl in the world, even if it was from a simple text or Snapchat from you.
Obviously, I think I had valid reasons to believe it was something real.
You texted me just to talk pretty much every day. You came to visit, even though it was inconvenient and you drove home at 2 in the morning. Honestly, I kept thinking we were headed in the same direction. But then somewhere one of us took a wrong turn. I can already hear you say it was your fault that we fell apart because you said it once before, but I know it was me.
The other day my friend asked me who I would choose if I could be with anyone and of course I said you.
I would always choose you.
I’ve tried walking away before, but I always find myself running back. I constantly find myself going through a cycle. I am okay one week and then the next week I might be sobbing in my best friend’s room because I just don’t know what to do about you.
It is easier to deal with everything right now because you have a girlfriend. There's nothing I can do. But what if things end with her? Then you're single and that could honestly be worse.
Although the first go-round with you did not go as planned, I find myself wanting to go back. I wonder what could have been and what could possibly be if I give you a second chance. Because I would. I would give you ten million chances if you asked.
I realize the thought of giving someone a million chances is absurd. So, why do we do this? Why is it that we all have that one person that we cannot seem to let go and get over? After much thought, I have some sort of explanation for this common occurrence amongst us all.
The first reason that came to mind was simply that I am still falling for you. I constantly find myself thinking of you. When my friend says she saw you and tells a funny story, I think about how much I would pay to be there. The first time I saw you after we fell apart, I felt the same way I felt the night we met. I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn’t focus on anything else because you were in the room.
No matter how great a person the other guys may have been that I have met, the fact that they were not you stopped me from pursuing them.So why do I keep going back to you? Most would say love. Am I in love with you? That is a strong word; It’s a very scary thought, but I think it could very well be true.