Dear grade school social outcast,
In elementary school, I had very few friends at school. I was in a class of around 20, depending on the year, and I was the outcast. I was different. The only “friends” I had spread rumors about me and refused to be seen in public with me.
At the young age of eight years old, my best friend in my class stood with a group of girls, looked me in the eye, and said “I’m not friends with you Abbey. I don’t like you.” Because I was used to this type of behavior, I forgave her the next day for denying my friendship.
In middle school, things got much worse. People would pretend to be my friend and then exclude me from everything they did. Bullies told me regularly how worthless I was and how much they hated me. I grew paranoid, and eventually assumed everyone hated me. No one wanted to hear me vent about what I was going through, so they must hate me, right? In hindsight, they were probably annoyed by the constant negativity and wanted to spend time with positive friends.
True, some people had my back in middle school, but I eventually thought of them as allies at best. I considered doing terrible things to myself, and became dangerously close to performing such actions. This was the darkest point of my life.
I transferred to a different district in high school, and all I wanted was to fit in. I pretended to be someone I’m not. This didn’t last very long, for I had a couple real friends from outside of school. I made a group of friends who seemed like the greatest people on the planet at the time. However, paranoia got the best of me because of what I had gone through in years passed. I sobbed to my mom regularly as a junior that I was afraid of losing the friends I had made. I freaked out every time a friend wouldn’t text back within twenty minutes. I overreacted to small situations, became a toxic friend, and lost the friends I had made.
I went to college, and I met people who accepted me for who I am. I learned to let go of my demons and the dramatic side of me, for all is good in the world of Abbey Wallisch. I realized at some point in my freshman year that for the first time in my life I was truly, honestly, happy. Now, I am better than ever.
If you are seen as uncool in your class and are a victim of bullying, I promise, it will get better. Never change who you are because the right people will eventually find their way into your life and are there to stay. You are wonderful and unique. Hold on, talk to someone if you need. Life gets better. I promise.
Sending love,
Abigail Wallisch
