To anyone who might be "confused,"
I can’t tell you what it is exactly, but I always knew there was something different about me and how I connected with people. Just like a heterosexual girl, I grew up giggling over a shirtless Zac Efron in Seventeen magazine and quieting the entire house if the Jonas Brothers were on my T.V. I dreamt about my future relationships and what they would be like when I started to date. What would the guy be like? Would he have the same values as I did? If not, could we make it work? Would he have dreamy blue eyes? I got older though, an even bigger question popped into my mind. What if he was a she?
I found males attractive and had romantic feelings towards them when I was growing up. I started to feel the exact same way about girls in college. Maybe I always had these feelings, but as I learned more about myself, I realized the feelings I had for women meant there was a part of myself I had to acknowledge. It was a part of myself that…just kind of was. I learned that attraction can be fluid.
I had a lot of questions about this part of myself. In fact, I still have a ton of questions, but I’m learning about my gut feelings regarding attraction every day. I’ve wondered if my attraction to women was just a phase or something made up in my mind. I told myself countless times that I just thought girls I hit it off with were pretty, that I wanted them to be my friends. I told myself there would be no need to “come out,” that I didn’t really have anything to come out with.
However, I just let myself feel what I felt. I let what was supposed to be, be. Maybe you’ve experienced some of this confusion. You might find that you don’t feel you entirely fit under the names bisexual, gay, or other titles. Or, you might have found an end to your confusion with the use of a title you are comfortable with. These are all common.
I’ll never forget the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I first thought of coming forth with this part of myself. I felt like I needed to because I wanted to be my full, complete self to my family and friends. Hiding something that I thought wasn’t a huge deal in a negative way anyway didn’t seem right to me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t scared shitless, though. I was nervous my mom would think it was just a phase. I was scared my brother wouldn’t look at me the same way. I nearly threw up when I called my dad to tell him I was dating a girl at the time.
It’s a weird situation to navigate if you do want to come out. My ultimate fear was, if I was dating a girl at the time and not a guy, how I was going to answer the famous question I get at every family Christmas party – “So, any boyfriends yet?”
Being bisexual is a part of my life. It doesn’t define my well-being. And if you think it might be a part of you too, that’s great and okay. You are beautiful and loved beyond belief, no matter who you find yourself attracted to.
Whether you identify as 100% attracted towards the opposite gender, find yourself somewhere in the middle, or are just beginning to realize some feelings may be there you want to explore, you must know all of those are fine, and your feelings are valid. If you don’t identify as straight, you are not a freak, you are not trying to get attention, and you are not going to hell.
Luckily, I have support from my whole close family and friends, and they always stand behind the decisions I make. If that is not the case for you, there are resources that want nothing but to help you. If no one has ever told you this, let me – people care about you.
If you have a guy in your life, that’s cool. If you have a girl in your life, that’s awesome. If you have a person in your life who does not identify themselves as one of the two, that’s also fine. The only thing that is never fine is if you are not being treated with the utmost care and respect you deserve.
You deserve to love whoever you want – no matter what their gender. I love who I am. Why shouldn’t I? And why shouldn’t you love yourself too?
Sincerely,
Someone who is comfortable with herself (and you should be, too!)
