Being a college going female in our society means that some of the things I talk with my friends the most are relationships and the future. We chat about who we're dating, who we'd like to be dating, weddings, future jobs and starting our own families. And while I'd like to say it's something we just casually do, lately it seems like it has become an obsession of friend groups like mine everywhere. And it was all fun and games until I recently heard my friends say, "I better be married and settled down by the time I'm 21."
Hold up. 21?
That's right. My friends are hoping to be married, working at their dream jobs and cranking out kids by the time they are 21. Their casual view of this statement left me shocked and terrified. Personally, I won't even have graduated by the time I'm 21, so I'm not sure what type of credits they are cranking out, but that's beside the point. The real issue here is that girls my age want to have their whole life decided within the next two years.
Girls, what's the rush? Do you really want to give up your freedom and tie yourself down before you even know who you are? I'm not trying to be judgmental, but at 21, you are still young, innocent and free. You have your whole life ahead of you, so why strip those possibilities away so soon?
You might say, "But I've already found the man of my dreams!" And that's amazing and perfectly okay. But what if your dreams change? What if what you want changes in the next few years? Our 20's are when we become who we really want to be and explore the world in a way that we never have before. Who you are at 21 is not who you will be at 24 or 25 or 30. And even if you are already with the person you want to marry, why can't it wait? We are still in college and we have debt and we have responsibilities. Why double that stress at a point in your life when there is really no need? What's wrong with dating and staying together until you are in a place emotionally and financially to really settle down?
And kids? We are still kids ourselves! We may feel grown up and mature from our new found college independence, but let's be real here, we are still very immature and have a lot of growing up to do in the next four years. And that's normal. But talking about having kids at 21, well that's a child raising a child.
I understand that everyone is free to make their own decisions, but do you recognize what you are sacrificing by settling so young?
You are giving up nights out on the town, slumber parties with your best friends, reckless decisions and spontaneity. You are sacrificing last minute vacations, poorly planned road trips and job opportunities. You are missing out on casual dating, travel and the chance to live and work anywhere. You are missing out on people and on life. Because once you settle down, your choices are not your own and they don't just affect you. You have to consider the other person. This is the one time in your life where you can make bold decisions with only you in mind. Why take that away so early? You have your whole life ahead of you to have your dream family and waiting a few more years won't hold you back from that.
So, please my dear friends, ask yourself if it's really what you want? Are you ready for the commitment and responsibility of marriage? Have you really found someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? If the answer is yes, and you really can't wait, then go right ahead. As for me, I'll hope to meet a nice young gentleman at your wedding—who is willing to wait a few more years before "settling down."
