I am one of the millions of people in the world who suffer from constant anxiety and depression filled thoughts. Since the two can coincide with each other, there is always a battle inside of my head. Having a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness places you into an underground secret community where the only people discussing the topic of mental illness are the people who are suffering themselves.
My inner circle of friends know that I struggle. They have seen me mentally collapse right before their eyes. They have seen me sit on a staircase at 2 a.m. bawling my eyes out, repeating the same statement over and over again: "My brain is not normal. I just want it to be normal." They have even stopped me from hurting myself and hurting others.
Having someone who you love and care for completely break down cannot be the easiest thing to witness or deal with. That is why I am writing this open letter. This open letter is to all of my friends who were there for me when I wasn't there for myself:
Thank you.
For driving me around late at night. For dealing with all the constant crying when we were all supposed to be having fun. For hugging me when I verbally told you, "No, I don't want a hug. Don't touch me." For letting me come over just to fall asleep at your place. For taking me to a different room or staying with me when a panic attack was starting to develop. For sitting with me for 10, 20, maybe even 30 minutes and just talking me out of whatever depressive hole I dug myself in. For not believing me when I constantly told you, "Yeah, I'm fine. No really, I'm fine," and then proceeding to ask what's wrong. For answering the phone at an ungodly hour in the morning, just to listen to me freak out about something that should not even matter at that point in time.
Most importantly, thank you for staying by my side through the whole time I was in limbo with myself. Thank you for helping me figure out who I am as a person and shaping me to be the best person that I can be. Thank you for understanding what I deal with. I don't know where I would be or who I would be without the love, support and care that you guys all showed me and continue to show me.
I'm not the best at expressing my thoughts and feelings, but hopefully this letter lets you guys know how much I truly appreciate all of you.
Your Friend,
Sydney
