Dear Ex-Friend,
I'm not looking for an apology. I know we are far past that, and it's been too long for me to expect one from you. I wish I could say that didn't hurt me, but it does.
I just want you to acknowledge that you did something wrong. I want you to acknowledge that you deeply betrayed my trust, a trust that I freely gave because I thought there was no way that you could hurt me the way you did.
But you did, you committed one of the worst crimes a friend could ever commit: you replayed my one second snap. And you opened it. And then you screenshotted it.
It was November 26, 2015. Thanksgiving Day. Snapchat had added a filter to turn your face into a turkey. What fun, I thought, for I was ready to celebrate the feast of a lifetime. What better way to kick off the holiday than to dress up as the very thing I would be later be devouring.
With an eager click of the camera, I snapped a pic of myself in full garb: turkey beak, pilgrim hat, fall leaves for ambience, the whole nine-yards. I even drew a little smiley face to show just how thrilled I was in that moment. I captioned it, "I'm real festive," further proving my holiday spirit. Did I look my best? I can honestly tell you no, no I did not. I had not showered yet, had my glasses on, and was slumped over at an angle that allowed for the perfect double chin.
I sent it to only my best friends on Snapchat, knowing that they would appreciate the laugh and then move on with their day. I put it on just one second--who could possibly screenshot that, I foolishly thought to myself.
You could. And you did.
When I saw that screenshot symbol appear, I was shocked straight down to the core. I went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, eating a whole cheese platter while listening to "Someone Like You." I was so hurt that I put my whole life into your hands and you utterly betrayed me. Now you could send it to whomever you wanted--all the power was taken away from me. I was left reeling, wondering when you would send it, who you would send it to, how would they react...I was haunted by the endless possibilities. I could barely enjoy my mashed potatoes and gravy at the Thanksgiving table.
I want you to know that what you did was wrong. I want you to know that I deserved better than to toss and turn at night wondering if my crush would ever see my double chin. But mostly I want you to know that I have become a stronger person because of this. I learned that I don't need you anymore; not on my Best Friends list, not on my Story, not even on my "Needs Love" column. I learned that I can love myself without your Snapchat validation. I have enough self-validation and self-confidence that I can share this picture to the world and not care who sees it:
So I guess I should thank you, in a way, for making me truly become me. Thank you for letting me grow as a person. Thank you for allowing me the freedom to share my own ugly pictures to the world.
Sincerely,
A Girl Who is Better Off Without You
P.S. Thanks to @odysseyrejects for this wonderful article title and concept.
