If someone told me that I would never see your beautiful face again when I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed, I’d never believe them. If someone told me that I would never get to hear that beautiful laugh of yours again, I’d have punched them and walked away. It’s been two years since you have been gone and I still remember your beautiful laugh as we walked the halls of high school together. It’s weird what your mind recollects, even the moments that you don’t want to remember.

A huge part of my heart hurts because you are not here with me, but another part resents you because you did not fight. You had a choice, but you let the enemy win. Now, you’ll never see the sun again or feel the cool ocean beneath your feet. You’ll never get to see the beautiful flowers bloom in the springtime or read your favorite novel, being the huge bookworm that you were. You’ll never get to see how bright your future was or see the potential that I saw in you. You had a smile that could turn someone’s day from dreary to lively. Why didn’t you choose to stay and fight harder? Why did you throw away “what could be” for “this is the end?” You left your beautiful life behind, destroying all the precious memories that we made together.

I’ll never understand why you took the easy way out, but I’ll always love you. I’ll always remember how excited you would get when you would tell me about a new book or movie that was released. I’ll always remember the way you would light up whenever we would talk about Leonardo DiCaprio and how we would both marry him. You’ll never get to hear about Leo winning an Oscar, which you probably would have passed out at the sound of me telling you. These are the memories that you could have held on to, had you stayed in the fight.

If your death has taught me anything, it’s that I can choose whether to stay in the fight or give up, and I choose to stay. I choose to stay because I know that I have a purpose. Even though this depression will feel like it’s the end of the world, I choose to fight for girls like you. I choose to fight for girls that feel insignificant and worthless and to show that their life matters. No girl should ever be a victim. I’m sorry that you were. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I would give anything to feel your hug one last time. You’ll always have a special place in my heart because you taught me that it is possible to live with pain, that there is always a choice, and I don’t have to give in to the enemy. Even though you’re gone, you’ll never be forgotten. I’ll look up to the sky and say, “I have to keep moving forward.”