Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend

Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew." Henry Rollins
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Dear friend,

I knew when you got in a relationship, it meant our friendship would change some. I knew we wouldn't hang out as much. I accepted that, and even understood that, because I wanted you to be happy. But I never thought it would be like this. It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly, you started canceling coffee dates, missing dinners, not coming to parties, and then eventually you stopped hanging out with me altogether. At first I wondered if I’d done something wrong, but then I realized you were blowing everyone off and only hanging out with your boyfriend.

The main issue with this is that it’s not healthy. It’s not okay for your boyfriend to be your only friend. Yes, losing friends is a part of life -- and it’s something you go through in order to find true friends. But when you start losing those true friends, and stop making an effort with the people who have been there for you through thick and thin, you’re isolating yourself for the sake of your boyfriend. That’s not okay.

I don’t know if it’s out of insecurity -- maybe you’re worried your boyfriend will leave you if you don’t hang out with him all the time. Or maybe it’s that you legitimately want to see him every waking moment. Or maybe he's asking you to ditch your friends. But no matter the reason, there’s a flaw in the relationship. Hanging out with someone all the time and ditching your friends for him is not going to make your relationship any stronger. As a matter of fact, it makes it weaker. You can’t make him stay. If you’re relying on your boyfriend for all of your happiness and spending all of your time with him, you’re not living an independent life. You’re not creating lifelong friendships, and you’re losing ones that have been there for you forever.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be friends with your boyfriend. I want you to hang out with your boyfriend. I want you to go on dates and hang out with each other and do fun things together, and sometimes just be lazy and watch football or stay in your pajamas all day. I want you to have a strong, healthy relationship. I genuinely want you to be happy. But the key to that is balance. We're all guilty of screwing up balance every now and then. I admit, I've ditched my friends for a boyfriend before, but I've also ditched a boyfriend for my friends.

Your boyfriend should be your best friend -- but he shouldn’t be your only friend, and he should be a different type of best friend than the best friend you had before him. He should be someone you can call in your lowest moments, but he shouldn’t be the only one you feel like you can call. Your relationship with your boyfriend should be coexistent with your relationship with your friends. Let’s be honest, hanging out with your boyfriend all the time can get old. There’s only so many nights you can spend watching him play 2K. Sometimes you just need a girl’s night.

I know nothing about you anymore, and you know nothing about me. Our once-friendship has ended with a few text messages every now and then saying hi. And on the rare occasion I do see you, the entire time you talk about your boyfriend. I want to hear about your life, but I want to hear about all of the great things you’re doing. I want to hear about your independent successes. I want to hear about your relationship, too, but I want to know about other things. I want our friendship back.

I just want you to do one thing: take a step back and look at why it’s come to this. Look at why you’re so caught up in your boyfriend, and think about why you ditch your friends. I want you to know I will always be there for you. I will always be a friend, because you will always need one. But I want you to remember who was there for you at 3 a.m. while you were crying over the last guy. Or, what about the person who you would vent to when you’re arguing with someone? Remember the nights we used to stay up laughing, watching movies, and drinking wine. Remember who was there when no one else was. Remember the person who never judged you, picked you up when you were down, and was always there when you needed them.

Sincerely,

Someone who misses you

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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​The Motivation To Get Back To The Gym Only Comes From Yourself, Not Online Fitness Influencers

After a long winter break, are you ready to get back to grinding?

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My winter break was filled with time spent with friends, family, working, and of course, eating lots of food!

Too much food to be completely honest. My holiday food baby is still kicking with late night cravings, and endless amounts of french fries that I absolutely DO NOT need to keep consuming from different restaurants.

My latest excuse from bringing myself to the gym is from being too tired- although I work incredibly late (till around 2 A.M almost every night) I can't help but feel drained and empty the next morning to get myself up, and run 2 miles on the treadmill. It just doesn't make sense to me why I would do such a thing when my body is clearly over-exhausted from late nights at work.

Getting to the gym is like a mind game- you wanna go and get back into shape, but you feel restricted when you haven't been there in approximately 9 years. You have to get in the car that's freezing, walk into the gym filled with people who are in much better shape than you are, and find some way to get yourself motivated to get back on the grind you used to know and love before the holidays started.

Working out in this society is something many post about on social media, especially influencers. Fitness guru's flood Instagram and YouTube with the latest workout routines, as well as show off their "bikini body" and their body progress. This can easily make women who are not consistently going to the gym or eating health feel bad about themselves because they may not have the same body figure. Although it could be motivating to see others working out online, it could also be damaging to one's mental health when they don't have the same level of motivation or body figure.

It all comes down to your mindset and attitude about working out!

Sitting in bed waiting for yourself to just go back to the gym and pick up from where you left off isn't going to make the process any easier. Relaxation mode is completely different than the grinding mode, people! If you want something to change, whether it is to lose weight or just to tone certain parts of your body, it won't happen unless you put effort to do so. This means your body, but also your mind needs to be ready to make that change. If you are in the mindset that you want to sit back and relax, there is no doubt that you wouldn't have a good work out because the entire time you are tirelessly running or lifting, you would be wishing you were home in bed doing nothing.

Your mind needs to be equally as prepared to set goals for yourself in the weight room.

The best ways to motivate yourself to get back to the gym are pretty simple- changing your diet by including healthier options could help, drinking lots of water, and even putting on a pair of work-out leggings could put you in the mindset to get back to the gym. As long as you are working out to better yourself physically and mentally, and not comparing your body type to others on social media, you will feel more positive and get a better work out in rather than feeling the need to compete with others.

Working out regularly is about self-growth- it's about doing what you can to see the changes you want to make with your life. It won't happen overnight, but it is possible! It is finally 2019; a new year filled with new beginnings. Put yourself out there, get motivated, and do what you can to live a healthier lifestyle.

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