Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend

Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew." Henry Rollins
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Dear friend,

I knew when you got in a relationship, it meant our friendship would change some. I knew we wouldn't hang out as much. I accepted that, and even understood that, because I wanted you to be happy. But I never thought it would be like this. It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly, you started canceling coffee dates, missing dinners, not coming to parties, and then eventually you stopped hanging out with me altogether. At first I wondered if I’d done something wrong, but then I realized you were blowing everyone off and only hanging out with your boyfriend.

The main issue with this is that it’s not healthy. It’s not okay for your boyfriend to be your only friend. Yes, losing friends is a part of life -- and it’s something you go through in order to find true friends. But when you start losing those true friends, and stop making an effort with the people who have been there for you through thick and thin, you’re isolating yourself for the sake of your boyfriend. That’s not okay.

I don’t know if it’s out of insecurity -- maybe you’re worried your boyfriend will leave you if you don’t hang out with him all the time. Or maybe it’s that you legitimately want to see him every waking moment. Or maybe he's asking you to ditch your friends. But no matter the reason, there’s a flaw in the relationship. Hanging out with someone all the time and ditching your friends for him is not going to make your relationship any stronger. As a matter of fact, it makes it weaker. You can’t make him stay. If you’re relying on your boyfriend for all of your happiness and spending all of your time with him, you’re not living an independent life. You’re not creating lifelong friendships, and you’re losing ones that have been there for you forever.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be friends with your boyfriend. I want you to hang out with your boyfriend. I want you to go on dates and hang out with each other and do fun things together, and sometimes just be lazy and watch football or stay in your pajamas all day. I want you to have a strong, healthy relationship. I genuinely want you to be happy. But the key to that is balance. We're all guilty of screwing up balance every now and then. I admit, I've ditched my friends for a boyfriend before, but I've also ditched a boyfriend for my friends.

Your boyfriend should be your best friend -- but he shouldn’t be your only friend, and he should be a different type of best friend than the best friend you had before him. He should be someone you can call in your lowest moments, but he shouldn’t be the only one you feel like you can call. Your relationship with your boyfriend should be coexistent with your relationship with your friends. Let’s be honest, hanging out with your boyfriend all the time can get old. There’s only so many nights you can spend watching him play 2K. Sometimes you just need a girl’s night.

I know nothing about you anymore, and you know nothing about me. Our once-friendship has ended with a few text messages every now and then saying hi. And on the rare occasion I do see you, the entire time you talk about your boyfriend. I want to hear about your life, but I want to hear about all of the great things you’re doing. I want to hear about your independent successes. I want to hear about your relationship, too, but I want to know about other things. I want our friendship back.

I just want you to do one thing: take a step back and look at why it’s come to this. Look at why you’re so caught up in your boyfriend, and think about why you ditch your friends. I want you to know I will always be there for you. I will always be a friend, because you will always need one. But I want you to remember who was there for you at 3 a.m. while you were crying over the last guy. Or, what about the person who you would vent to when you’re arguing with someone? Remember the nights we used to stay up laughing, watching movies, and drinking wine. Remember who was there when no one else was. Remember the person who never judged you, picked you up when you were down, and was always there when you needed them.

Sincerely,

Someone who misses you

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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Buying New Clothes Every Month Has Been The Key To Helping Me Become Happy With My Body Again

Loving my body in new outfits has boosted my self image so much.

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Being body-positive has been really hard for me to do throughout 2019, despite there being an overwhelming surge in body-positivity around me, whether through my friends and family or YouTube. I look in the mirror and what I see is someone I want to make a jean size or two smaller like in the past. That being said, I've slowly been coming around to accepting the body I have now, instead of bashing it constantly. A key way I've come to accept the body I'm in now is through buying myself something new every month, like a new T-shirt or a pair of jeans or sneakers that help me see myself in a positive light. When I'm in a new outfit, I feel invincible. I don't think about how pudgy my stomach is, or about the hair I have growing in random places, like my neck or on my nose (yes, not just in, but ON too).

My bank account tends to suffer as of recently because of this, but it's worth it when I can genuinely feel good in what I am wearing every day. I like to wake up and think about how many outfits I can put together, ready to post my #OOTD for Snapchat without caring what anyone thinks. I've let social media dictate how I feel about myself more than I care to admit. I see how perfect all the models are in everything they're wearing from brands I know and love, yet when I try the same thing on, it's a whole different ugly story.

I don't enjoy trying things on to avoid the shame I feel when things don't fit me right, or if something that I thought would flatter me actually makes me look like a sack of potatoes. Instagram has really hurt my body image a lot — enough to make me delete it for a week after one post sent me spiraling. Going through those bumps made me finally realize it's not my fault if something doesn't fit. Sizes range depending on the item, it's the clothing items fault, not mine. Now that I see that, it's easier to brush off something not fitting me as it should. I know my size very well in the stores I frequent the most, so it's easier for me to pick out things I know will look good and not have to worry about the sizing issue.

Buying yourself something new is not something you should limit to every few months or longer. You shouldn't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone price wise every once and a while either. Coupons exist, stories always offer you them when you first sign up to receive emails and even texts. You can be crafty and still get a high price item for less. If you treat yourself to cheap things, you won't feel half as good as you want to. Granted, sticking to a limit is important but there's no shame in going over the limit every once and a while.

I love shopping as much as I love country music and writing short stories — a lot. Yes, I get yelled at almost every time I get something new. I need to save my money for important things, like for my sorority or for medical issues that could suddenly arise, or for utilities at my house next year off campus.

However, my mental well-being is not something I can ignore.

I can't push the good feelings aside to save 30 or 40 bucks a month. I don't want to feel as low as I've felt about myself anymore. I'm tired of feeling sad or angry at who I am, and I want to learn how to accept myself as I am. Buying myself something new, like clothes, is what offers a positive light to view myself under.

Whether you treat yourself to dinner at your favorite restaurant, or to face masks, or to a new movie when it comes out — don't be afraid to do it. Put yourself first and you'll realize your worth and how much you've been ignoring it in the face of poor confidence.

My confidence isn't back up to where it used to be, but it's getting there.

It may not be the most cash efficient method of self-love, but my body positivity is better than it was a few months ago. Aerie and American Eagle have really helped me become happier with my body, and I can't thank them enough for being more inclusive for people like me who are learning to love themselves again in a new body.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us hoping to promote our own body positivity, and it could all start with a simple purchase from your favorite store after you read this.

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