Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew." Henry Rollins

31815
Open Letter To The Friend I Lost To Her Boyfriend
Pinterest

Dear friend,

I knew when you got in a relationship, it meant our friendship would change some. I knew we wouldn't hang out as much. I accepted that, and even understood that, because I wanted you to be happy. But I never thought it would be like this. It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly, you started canceling coffee dates, missing dinners, not coming to parties, and then eventually you stopped hanging out with me altogether. At first I wondered if I’d done something wrong, but then I realized you were blowing everyone off and only hanging out with your boyfriend.

The main issue with this is that it’s not healthy. It’s not okay for your boyfriend to be your only friend. Yes, losing friends is a part of life -- and it’s something you go through in order to find true friends. But when you start losing those true friends, and stop making an effort with the people who have been there for you through thick and thin, you’re isolating yourself for the sake of your boyfriend. That’s not okay.

I don’t know if it’s out of insecurity -- maybe you’re worried your boyfriend will leave you if you don’t hang out with him all the time. Or maybe it’s that you legitimately want to see him every waking moment. Or maybe he's asking you to ditch your friends. But no matter the reason, there’s a flaw in the relationship. Hanging out with someone all the time and ditching your friends for him is not going to make your relationship any stronger. As a matter of fact, it makes it weaker. You can’t make him stay. If you’re relying on your boyfriend for all of your happiness and spending all of your time with him, you’re not living an independent life. You’re not creating lifelong friendships, and you’re losing ones that have been there for you forever.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be friends with your boyfriend. I want you to hang out with your boyfriend. I want you to go on dates and hang out with each other and do fun things together, and sometimes just be lazy and watch football or stay in your pajamas all day. I want you to have a strong, healthy relationship. I genuinely want you to be happy. But the key to that is balance. We're all guilty of screwing up balance every now and then. I admit, I've ditched my friends for a boyfriend before, but I've also ditched a boyfriend for my friends.

Your boyfriend should be your best friend -- but he shouldn’t be your only friend, and he should be a different type of best friend than the best friend you had before him. He should be someone you can call in your lowest moments, but he shouldn’t be the only one you feel like you can call. Your relationship with your boyfriend should be coexistent with your relationship with your friends. Let’s be honest, hanging out with your boyfriend all the time can get old. There’s only so many nights you can spend watching him play 2K. Sometimes you just need a girl’s night.

I know nothing about you anymore, and you know nothing about me. Our once-friendship has ended with a few text messages every now and then saying hi. And on the rare occasion I do see you, the entire time you talk about your boyfriend. I want to hear about your life, but I want to hear about all of the great things you’re doing. I want to hear about your independent successes. I want to hear about your relationship, too, but I want to know about other things. I want our friendship back.

I just want you to do one thing: take a step back and look at why it’s come to this. Look at why you’re so caught up in your boyfriend, and think about why you ditch your friends. I want you to know I will always be there for you. I will always be a friend, because you will always need one. But I want you to remember who was there for you at 3 a.m. while you were crying over the last guy. Or, what about the person who you would vent to when you’re arguing with someone? Remember the nights we used to stay up laughing, watching movies, and drinking wine. Remember who was there when no one else was. Remember the person who never judged you, picked you up when you were down, and was always there when you needed them.

Sincerely,

Someone who misses you

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

Is Meaningful Casual Sex A Paradox?

Why noncommittal sex is more complicated than we'd like to think.

2361

I lost my virginity to a graduate student from Los Angeles. We’d met at a rundown cafe whose Yelp page complained of an alleged rat infestation. His name was Ken and he was 25. What drew me to him was the peculiar way his mouth was perpetually fixed into a sideways, half-moon shape that was like a smirk but without any trace of smugness. But the two most striking parts of Ken by far were the dinner plate roundness of his face and his small, expressionless teddy bear eyes. Of the things that mattered to him, there was his best friend, a college dropout who sold computer parts in Toronto, and sex.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

A Conversation About Sex

"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature." - Marilyn Monroe

6399
Thinking Beyond Barriers

There it is. Even though I'm not around you, I can feel it. Was there a flutter of embarrassment in your mind when you saw the word sex in this article’s title? Did you look over your shoulder to ensure nobody was around before you began to read this?

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

13 Signs You Are A True Cancer Of The Zodiac

Calling all babies born June 21st - July 22nd!

5101
My Astral Life

I'm the first to admit that I am one of THOSE people who uses their zodiac sign as a description of themselves. I realize not everyone believes in astrology-related anything, and there are plenty of people who don't fit their signs. However, I'm one of the people who truly fits their sign to a tee. I'm a Cancer, a Crab, a Moon Child. It's currently our season fellow Crabs! So without further ado, here are all of the signs that you're a Cancer.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Blessing of Lacking Sex Appeal

To all the fellow non "it" girls out there

5406
kozepsuli.hu

Lacking sex appeal is not a desirable thing. It makes you fee not ugly, but wrong. Not having charisma is not a life goal. It doesn't make you fee friendless, but isolated. Not being the "it" girl happens, and tonight (and every nigh prior to this)

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

It is truly the worst place to be

7666
Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

Look. If you are anything like me, complaining about being single is such a hard thing to because you are genuinely happy for your friends, but as they continue to be happy in their relationships, the ever crushing weight of being the single friends can become overwhelming. For context, my primary friend group consists of four people. We are all roommates and it is a great time here. All three of my roommates have boyfriends/girlfriends, which makes our friend group of four quickly jump to seven, and it is wonderful! I love my roommates so much and I love their S.O's, but no matter how much I love them I always get extremely jealous and sad. The sad thing is that the only part that ever truly ends up bugging me is that since I am single, they are my go-to top priorities and it has been really hard to watch myself slip from the top of their go-to's to not being their go to when they feel the weight of the world. What makes it harder is that expressing that I feel alone and unwanted makes me sound jealous and like I don't want my friends to hangout with their people. I get it. I do. But there are just days I want to be someone's first pick and I'm not.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments