I know, it's hard. It feels like a constant war that you will never win. It feels like a battle that will never end. It feels like a retreat is nowhere in sight. It feels as if someone is ripping you to shreds, piece by piece, and that there is no way to stop it.
You feel as if you want to give up. You want to draw a white flag and retreat. Let your opponent thrive in their glory and their new found victory.
But that opponent is yourself. So what is your prize for winning? Grief. Hurt. Depression. Anxiety. Sadness.
I want to tell you that it gets better.
As cliché as this is, it's true. And I wish I had learned to believe this and in myself sooner.For anyone reading who has seen the TV show, "One Tree Hill," Keith Scott was right when he said "That pain in your stomach, that pain in your heart, it goes away. That voice in your head that's saying there's no way out, it's wrong." ("One Tree Hill," 3.16)
I know it's hard to believe right now. That voice in your head is all consuming, telling you that you're not good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, maybe that you're not worthy of life. That voice is saying you're doing everything wrong. But that's when you need to fight like hell to prove it wrong. Because that's exactly what that voice is: wrong. You're worth so much more that that voice. It is the voice of your insecurities, grief and worries.
Make a move that will help you win the battle.
Because you have been given a chance to shape your own life. Go to college, get your degree. Fall in love. Get married and have kids. Marry your job and your career. Do what makes you happy.
Life is a game of ups and downs. Life is a roller coaster. But life is also what you make it. (Thanks, Hannah Montana!)
I wish I had someone to tell me that life gets better when I needed it the first time I dug myself too deep in my insecurities. I had "friends" who just tore me down more because I wasn't just like them. But I climbed out of the whole with help from my family. And when I found myself dug in an even deeper hole, I had people who understood, and got me out of it one day at a time.
That's all you can do. The battles within yourself may never stop, but it gets easier and you figure out your own ways to handle it.
Life is filled with trials and tribulations, but it also gets better. What you're going through right now isn't the end all be all- no matter how big it is. You are at the beginning of what could (and should) be a happy and successful life. If that's what you want.
I hope you learn to let the light in because it makes life so much better than when you let darkness come through. I hope that one day, you too can learn to dance it out.
(Also, thank you to "One Tree Hill" for being sorelatable to people struggling with inner demons.)
