Dear Jessica,

The first thing you need to hear is this: You’re doing OK. Fifteen is a hard age. Believe me, I would know. But there are some things that are going to be really important for you to know over the next few years.

There are going to be a few boys who are going to change your life.

I wish I could tell you that they would all change your life for the better, but that’s not realistic, and that’s not what happens. The first boy will be your best friend. He will decide that he knows what’s best for you and try to change the path your life is on. In this instance, he will break your heart. And it will be a terrible blow to recover from. But you can do this. And eventually, you will recover and you will move on. You two will become friends again, and all will seem well. Enter, the second boy. He will only be around for a short while, but he will surprise you in the end. The thing is though, it will take you a long time to see it. Now, there’s the issue of the third boy that will change your life. He will seem perfect at first, and he will seem like all you’ve ever wanted. He will destroy everything you’ve ever known. This boy will take the beautiful and unique person you are, and cram it and shove it and break it to fit a mold you never expected to fit into. He will take all control over your life and body, and he will make you think that you like it. And, sadly, your mind will be so opposed to him, that when you finally get the courage to leave him, there will be a large and unfriendly gap left in your memory where he should be. And it will take a long time for you to figure out why this gap came to be and it will take you even longer to cope with it. But here’s what you really need to remember when you’re down and broken and wishing things would just end for eternity: you are worthy of love, respect, and life. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Don’t ever stop believing it. And don’t ever stop fighting for it. Because when you do, that’s when your life is over. And eventually, boy number two will come back into your life. When he does, don't take him for granted, and don't ever stop fighting for him and don't ever stop choosing to love him. Because he will be your everything, and he is worthy of that title.

Your Grandpa is going to die.

And that will be extremely hard on you. That will challenge every happy thought, and ultimately, everything he stood for. You loved him more than you ever could have loved a man as great as him, and he loved you the same. And you may not think he knew it, but he did. And here’s how you can tell that he did: he listened to you blare instruments you didn’t know how to play on his deck and told you is sounded great; he gave you Tums whenever you saw he was getting them because he knew you liked the taste (even though he needed them way more than you did); he held you when your dog died that was almost as old as you were; he gave your parents food from his cupboards to feed you when your family had nothing. He always knew, so you need to stop blaming yourself. Yes, he died while you were decorating the locker of a friend. Yes, you probably would have been able to see him one last time. But he knew you loved him, and he still knows you love him. Stop blaming yourself for not being there for him. There’s no way you could have known bronchitis would have turned into a death sentence. There’s no way you could have known that that day was his last. And there’s no way a fifteen year old girl could have prevented what happened. It is not your fault.

Don’t rush your life.

I know… The future is exciting. And quite frankly, you are mature for your age. But you’re still only fifteen. Enjoy the long walks with your best friends. Enjoy the bonfires and sleepovers you are going to. Enjoy eating chicken patties in the cafeteria with your friends. Enjoy getting that ‘A’ on your paper that you wrote last minute. Enjoy being in marching band and cheerleading. Because the thing you don’t know is that life speeds right on by. Before you know it, you’ll be twenty four with a baby and wedding to plan and a bachelor’s degree and master’s degree on the way and a full time job and a lot of responsibility and only a little time for fun. But don’t worry. Even though you may think it sounds like it, your life will be anything other than boring. And finally,

Don’t forget to live your life.

It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the things you need to do and all of the things you want to do and all of the things you’re expected to do that you just forget to live. It’s important to take some time for you. And you’ll find that when you do, your emotions soar. Take time to cook amazing meals and discover you have a knack and passion for cooking. Take time to take photographs that aren’t very good, and take time to take pictures that are great. Take time to buy clothes that you don’t need and drink wine that you love. Read every book your heart desires. Kiss boys under stars and under the cover of cars and once in a while in bars. Be thankful for all you have, but don’t stop wishing and dreaming for more.

Aspire, love, laugh, dream, and most of all, don’t ever stop being you. I know it will take you a long time to find her again (especially after boy number three), but once you do, learn to love who she is, and learn to show her to the world. Because you are someone worth knowing, and you are someone worth waiting for.

Sincerely,

Your Twenty-Four-Year-Old Self