Dear Young Pseudo-Gay Ally,
You’re right, we have nothing in common because our heterosexual romance is as forced and as fake as a 30-year-old playing a teenager in a movie or show or when my legs are naturally clear of a trace of hair in whatever dystopian future I am in. This probably doesn’t surprise you that most heterosexual romances are that way in movies, TV shows, or books because it’s what sells. You know what else sells though? When two male characters look into each other’s eyes and then they quickly look away, clearly this is a superb sign of gay romance budding, and people like you flock to the text in hope of another gay droplet from my overlords. Yes, they did that on purpose, but not to be progressive only to sell you your ship, display in a glass bottle, and profit from your eagerness.
They aren’t the only ones that are being falsely progressive and supportive here.
It’s amazing how a single character is capable of being a massively clueless idiot, but a manipulating homophobic mastermind, but also a master magician capable of disappearing when I’m no longer convenient. I guess I underestimate myself but when I’m in your fan works and see that you have darkened my glances, made my lips quirk up conspiratorially as I tear this gay ship apart, and handed me motives that fall apart at a touch. You and my overlords have a lot in common in your valuing of me, replace me with a sexy light fixture and I probably wouldn’t make a difference, but at least when I’m getting killed off the casual viewers and my male love interests at least pretend to care.
I have something to say for my two male friends as well. That’s it. There are two of them. They aren’t the same entity, a massive blob with four arms, eyes, and legs. Do you see them as people or as your fantasy gay porn in the constricting bubble of your mind? Do you think you’re doing actual gay men a favor when you only think about them naked and fucking in extravagant positions like the men who watch lesbian porno’s but near-vomit at the idea of two men being in love? Why am I not allowed to be heart-broken when he cheats on me but you use my cheating on him as a reason to pin me up and burn logs beneath my feet? Maybe you’re a little better because you don the mantle of an ally so you can have your fake A in the letter list of queerness and feel like your fetish is a sexuality.
Why do I get cast aside exactly? Aren’t you better than my overlords who queer bait you? Why do you turn me into a villain when you could ship me just as passionately with another woman or a different man? How come the idea of your gay ship possibly being in a pansexual and polyamorous relationship never crosses your mind? Why exactly do you say your progressive and an ally when you ignore more than half of the people you are “supporting”?
I’m sure you have reasons to hate me, but I hope they are good reasons that don’t involve my relationship with a man who should be with his male best friend or male worst enemy; I hope they are concrete reasons that prove I’m toxic and abusive. I’m sure I’m not perfect; I’m sure that it may not harm me because I’m fictional but it does harm those who I represent and those who might love me; it hurts women; it hurts you and the way you view the world.
I may be a fictional character but I want you to think about this letter when you find yourself fetishizing the relationship between real men who have girlfriends that you call bitches and cunts for having feelings for a man who is supposed to be having a passionate love affair with his friend. Think about the harassment she gets just from dating someone you think you know and remember that these words you spew out online may be seen by her. A woman, a real human being, not a plot device.
Thanks for giving me your time,
That Fictional Female Character You Hate
