To the boy who only wants to be my friend,
I get it. Your ex hurt you, and now you hurt me. Were you scared I'd hurt you like she did? Guess what, you won. You hurt me before we even started. You denied we were anything more than friends, yet I have months of messages and snapchats that prove otherwise. You led me on and now you're just a fuckboy to me.
fuckboy : a manipulating boy who does whatever it takes to benefit only him
I knew I shouldn't have, but I played the game with you anyways- one I eventually lost. I was too scared to define what our friendship really was. I was too scared of being rejected, yet I let myself fall. I never let myself fall.
You never told me what you wanted, but I didn't either. I liked you, a lot more than I would admit. I played it cool though because a lack of empathy is key, right? Friends don't hurt each other the way you hurt me.
When the lines got blurry, I was confused, but too scared to ask. Too scared that you'd say something I didn't want to hear. I asked anyways. You answered so confidently like it wasn't even a question worth asking. I felt stupid.
"I thought we were just really good friends."
We're friends. Friends hang out, right? Do you stay the night and wake up lying next to them in the morning? Maybe you're like that with all your friends, but I'm not like that with any of mine. I was confused and was left wondering what I was to you. I was too scared that this friendship would end, so I didn't ask. I didn't ask anything of you, but that's where I was at fault.
I don't regret anything. However, I feel further from you than I've ever felt. I miss my friend. I miss you.
You text me to hang out, but you're suddenly too busy. Did you tell me that so you could reject me once more? I can't go through that again. This feeling was all too familiar, and I was fed up. I wasn't scared to ask this time. I needed to hear it for myself, I needed to hear it from you. So, what are we again?
"Sorry, I just want friends."
Now I'm mad. Not at you, but at myself. For knowing the answer all along and refusing to hear it. For wanting to be the exception, for letting myself fall for someone that doesn't have the decency to say it to my face.
I will never know what I really was to you. I expected more from you, but I shouldn't have. Please grow up. I thought we were friends. I thought we could talk about it. I thought we were better than ending it over a text.
Sincerely,
Someone Who is Tired of Being Your Friend
