Dear Dad,
I’m old enough now to realize that you walking out wasn't my fault. It was your fault. It was your own selfishness, resentment, and anger that caused you to give up on our family. There will always be an enduring emptiness in my heart and the heart of the house we call home now, but it's an accepting emptiness. It is an emptiness that is able to be filled by someone greater than you. You were not a great father, Dad. A great father would not have given up on his family.
You didn't care that once you left, I was forced to work two jobs to help support my mom — while I went to school full-time. You didn't care that my sister wanted to kill herself and was struggling with depression. You didn't care that my brother was so insecure about how he looked that he didn't smile for almost four years. You didn't care that my mom was going crazy and broke trying to make our house feel like a home. You just didn't care.
I thought I was screwed up. I thought I needed to be medicated or at least self-medicate myself with drugs to handle my anxiety and feelings of depression. I’m not screwed up. I don't need drugs. I just needed people in my life to care about me and I found them, Dad. I have amazing friends that have given me a support system. They have put laughter and silliness back into my life. They have reminded me that I am smart and that I will be successful, but most importantly, they have shown me that I don't need you.
I am successful already, Dad. I am successful because I have realized that success is not measured by how much money I have or by how many people know my name. My success is measured by love and happiness.
It still makes me sad to think about you. My heart will always feel that sting when I think about how different things could have been for our family if you hadn't given up. However, I would never be the person I am today if you hadn't given up. I wouldn't be as strong, independent and determined if you had been there for me.
I figured things out the hard way. I made mistakes, I cried a lot and I sometimes felt like giving up too: but I overcame. Because I was able to make it through the hardest times in my life already without you, I know I can make it through anything.
Thank you for giving up, Dad... but always know that I would have never given up on you.
