Dear Daddy,
I miss you. I love you. So, please forgive me for the following message.
When I was little, I thought our lives were perfect. Yes, sometimes there were tough times, but we were a family and we made it through.
I remember grandma dying and mom sitting in the gallery and bursting into tears.
I remember getting stuck in hurricanes and just having to wait them out, and loving the rain and family time we had. We would watch movies all together and just veg around.
I remember when the engines would break down and you would spend hours in the pearly white engine room working on them, and I would sit and play with my barbies that mom so reluctantly let people give me for my birthday.
Even those memories... the "tough" memories were wonderful to me, and I could just keep going and going with all of them. They are what made my childhood so perfect! Then, we moved to Vegas and everything began to deteriorate, or so I thought. Maybe it began to crumble before, I was just now old enough to realize what was happening.
I used to think that I was a bad daughter, that was why we would always fight and you did not enjoy spending time with me. I used to think that you loved my brother and sister more than you loved me because you had more in common with them. I was never into fixing things or building things with my hands. My idea of building is more of crafting with glitter and paint than algae and wood. When we were on the boat it was different because I loved water, loved painting and it seemed as if we had tons in common and not a care in the world!
I now realize that terrible Christmas with grandma was not my fault. It was not my fault that you left and binge drank after I commented on your clothing during dinner. It is not my fault that you stay in the office on your computer instead of spending time with me. I am not perfect, but I know your addiction is not my fault. I no longer believe I am a bad daughter. I no longer believe I am the black sheep in the family. I no longer believe that you do not love me.
You have a long hard road ahead of you, but I will be there for you every step of the way - as long as you are going down the right path. The path to sobriety. The path to truth. The path that will bring you happiness. I am not sure if you are ready right now, that you are dedicated to doing the right thing, but I will be here waiting with open arms when you are ready. Until you are ready I will wait. I will not enable you. I will not resent you. I will not hate you. I will patiently wait because that is all I can do.
Your life is your choice. You can choose to do wrong or you can choose to do right. I do not expect you to be perfect, I just expect you to put forth the effort, and I know you can do it. I believe in you.
Love,
