Dear Fake Friends,
I want you to know that at one point, I thought you were my heaven sent. I was lost, sad, and alone. Maybe that’s why I put so much stock into our friendship. I was so vulnerable that I trusted in you more than I should have. I made you my hero. That one is on me, but I won’t blame myself for the way you hurt me.
This letter is more for myself than it is for you, honestly. You probably won’t even read this. However, on the off chance that you are reading this, I want you to know that you hurt me. Maybe you don’t even know that you did. I’d find that hard to believe, but not out of the realm of possibility. You were so caught up in your own little world that you might not have even noticed how much you were tearing me apart.
I deserve better than you. I deserve friends who will always be with me, not just when it’s convenient for them. You were constantly making me feel small because you needed to feel big. I’m not mad at you, I’m just sad. Disappointed, really. I let you in, and I made you bigger in my life than you made me in yours. After everything that has happened, I just want to know, did you ever consider me a friend? Or was I always just a topic of conversation to you?
A quick tip for next time: you should really let someone know when you stop caring about them. If only I had known, I would’ve moved on before your disregard for me sent me into a self-despising spiral. The hardest thing I ever did was detach myself from you, but it has set me free more than you’ll ever know. I’m still struggling, but at least I’m not forcing a friendship that isn't there. Just like John Green said, “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
You’re probably upset at me right now. I’ve seen the way you look at me when we’re near each other. You’re mad at me because I finally became my own hero and left you behind. But newsflash, I don’t need you. You aren’t in control of me anymore.
I’m finally putting the faith that I had in you in myself.