No one ever tells you how hard it can be to maintain a friendship. It takes almost as much work as a relationship. It's about communication, trust, and working on growing a bond together.
I have been so blessed in my life with so many wonderful people who have believed in me, loved me and supported me as if we were family. Through good times and the bad, they were there.
But having them around sometimes took even more out of me. It was getting exhausting to see them, to listen to the same problems over and over. It was getting hard to give the same advice repeatedly and watch as they ignored it and continue with their own toxic self-sabotaging behavior.
Watching someone that you love absolutely self-destruct is hard.
I poured my heart and soul into my friends. I always have. I have never hidden the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and they always knew I would be in their corner. Come hell or high water, I'd be right there next to them in my wading boots, ready for the storm.
What took me years to realize was that friends can be toxic too.
They can lean on you so much and take so much of you that some days you feel as though there's nothing left. They become friends who expect the world and give you crumbs in return. Friends who watch you cry and ignore it.
My heart ached, beat and cried with theirs - and yet, when I was the one in pain, they were silent.
After a certain point, you have to realize that sometimes even the friends who think they mean well can be holding you back. They treat you as a way to make themselves feel better. They only call you when they want to talk about themselves. These friends only ever ask about you when you tell them something about themselves that they don't want to hear.
So, to the friends I can't keep - it's not me, it's you.
You drain me. You make the weight on my shoulders feel so much heavier and I am done apologizing about it. There is only so much that I can carry at one time, and I can't always be expected to put your needs above mine.
It's not selfish. It's not me being high and mighty. I know I'm not a perfect person and certainly not a perfect friend.
I try. I try so hard. Yet, time and time again, I get neglected, pushed aside, and given the short end of the stick.
