I ended my first year of college a few days ago. Of course, I posted the obligatory throwback Snapchat story, and it got me thinking about the ebb and flow of what feels like dozens of romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships.
Like most (or many) people, my social life bloomed when I moved into my dorm. The very first people I met became some of my first friends, and we frantically clumped together for company during welcome week and beyond. Now, I hardly speak to any of them, and it feels as if my go-to friend group has replaced itself time and time again. My initial clump has dispersed into their own for the most part, my relationships with them having either naturally fizzled or intentionally severed.
I’d pass many of them around campus and give an easy wave or smile, but never stop for a conversation. Others, especially people I’d gone on a few dates with, I might have given a smile, but usually I would avoid walking on the same side of the street as them, or I’d look too preoccupied to make eye contact with them, or what’s more, I’d look them in the eye and make the decision to treat them as a stranger.
And that’s a petty way to go about life. More so than the actual way our relationships ended, the way we interacted afterward decided how bitter the situation was, or how much we expected to mutually dislike each other. Involved with it is a sort of pride, that if you smile first and they don’t smile back, you’re some level of pathetic. Instead, you aim low and go for the bitter option because there’s no risk. For some reason, it’s better to have unreciprocated ill-will than unreciprocated affection.
This open letter isn’t an apology, or a request for one, because there’s nothing to be apologized for. People grow apart, so it’s important to learn to be forthright about it. For everyone who’s hurt my feelings by distancing themselves from me without warning, I’ve probably done the same to someone else under the guise of avoiding direct communication (which, for some reason, is seen as direct conflict). The way I’ve ended relationships has only served me by burning bridges and pulling drama out of thin air. I wish the best to everyone reading this.
Best,
EJ
