I have done a lot in my life that I need to apologize for, and I feel like realizing that is a part of growing up. At just 19, I look back and notice that I have hurt so many people while I was trying to get through whatever was in my way at that time in my life. I understand that others can't see the pain inside my mind, so it isn't fair for me to take it out on them. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you when I couldn't control my own pain.

I am no longer a child, and I really want to grow and accept the consequences of my mistakes. This may mean I lose people that have known me when I was at my lowest. I truly believe part of the reason I was so horrible to some of the people closest to me was because I was scared. I have known so much loss, and I can't bear the thought of losing yet another person I once held close to my heart. I make the choice to put too much of my worth in others, and when they outgrow me or move away, I have the tendency to act in an immature manner. I can't apologize enough for how that effected the ones I love.

Just so everyone is clear, I am taking full blame for everything in my past, so I can start over with a clean future. I am tired of having restless nights, (no pun intended) playing back my terrible choices that made others realize they deserved more than I can supply.

From now on, I will be the good person I have always wanted to be. I will be the good person others want to be around. I will be a friend to the friendless and hope to the hopeless, regardless of how I feel because that's what the world needs. And from then, I will have the right to ask for help myself.

I understand that in the past I have been selfish, mean and a downright embarrassment to some. I talk before thinking, and others can tell. However, I can promise you that that's not who I want to be. I miss the people who have outgrown me. I know it's not fair for me to ask for them back, but I am.

I am doing a makeover on my inside, and can only pray that others take notice and come back to me.

I just hope anyone out there that feels this same way knows they aren't alone. Many other people do this to protect themselves, and even though you feel like nothing can ever get better, I promise you, it can and will. I will be here for you all, changing along with you! Much love!

I hope you can all find it in your heart to forgive me. I swear I am not the same person I was when I did you wrong, and I wish you will take the time to get to know that. So I'll say it one last time: I'm sorry for the pain I caused you when I couldn't control my own pain.