Disappointment sucks. It’s an everyday truth. Imagine studying four hours for an exam, only to get your grade two weeks later and see it is a D. Or imagine buying concert tickets a year in advance to see Adele, only to have her catch bronchitis the day of your show. There is always a flip side to each disappointment: you know that maybe staying up four hours later isn’t as worth it as you thought or you get to see the same concert a month later. Sometimes disappointment makes us upset to the point of tears. Sometimes disappointment makes you want to throw your phone against the wall. But in reality, disappointment is kind of a blessing in disguise.
As much as I wanted, not everything lives up to my expectations. I imagined coming to college would make me happier than I ever had before. That I would make a ton of friends within the first week, I would love being separate from my parents, I would love having the freedom to do what I want when I want, I would be able to handle all my classes because they were mostly gen ed classes. A month after I moved in it hit me: college was nothing like I expected. I was mainly friends with my roommate, the girls next door, and friends from high school that lived on my hall. I thought I would be able to find friends in all my classes, but lecture halls took the best of me and I mostly sat alone. I missed my parents more than I had ever before. I thought living with them for 17 years was enough for me, but coming home to an un-airconditioned dorm is nothing compared to the warmth I feel as I enter the kitchen at my house. Having the freedom to do what I want hurts me more than helps me. After I finish my homework, or even before then, I sit in my bed and watch Netflix or some YouTube videos. I don’t have the liberty of a car to drive to go to the mall or to visit friends like I had over the summer. Classes are tough, even if they are gen eds. I can no longer avoid my homework and every night I dedicate three or more hours to papers, online assignment, projects, research, etc.
All of that said, having a reality check has made me thankful of what I come home to on break. I can appreciate that my mom cooks Sunday breakfast. I can appreciate that I have my laundry done of me and a room to myself. I can appreciate that I have a car to drive me to wherever I want to go at almost any time. I can appreciate that my teachers in high school got to know us on a one-to-one level and let us run how much effort we wanted to put in to still get a good grade. I can appreciate having my boyfriend 30 minutes away, I can appreciate having my cousins only down the road.
The disappointment and reality check I faced coming to college has helped me be thankful for all I had back home. Thank you Mom and Dad for always keeping me secure both physically and emotionally. Thank you to my teachers for teaching me what leadership and perseverance means. Thank you to my friends for accepting me for who I am, sass and all. Thank you to my boyfriend for hanging out with me all summer and listening to me rant at work, when we were dating and even when we weren’t. All the small things in life are what really matter, and sometimes a little disappointment and a step back into reality is what will show you the blessings in your life.
