Dear Depression,
You had me down for three years of my life. You had your chains around my ankles, your fog around my mind, and a mask over my face. You forced me to pretend that I was fine, when clearly I wasn't.
While I was stuck under your influence, I listened to my darkest demons. The demons that were spawned from years of bullying, a hard relationship with a girlfriend who only made things worse, and self doubt. Those very same demons that you attached to me whispered songs in my ear that were as sour as lemon juice. But, for some reason, I coulsn't escape their stench. Those demons dragged me down in what were supposed to be the best years of my life.
Starting my freshman year, I woke up every morning, and looked at myself in the mirror. Those demons whispered lies that I believed to be true. Those demons told me such horrible and awful things, things like "You're not good enough," "You're a waste of space," and "No one would even miss you." This kind of thinking went around in circles, and flowed through my head every day. Those demons that you made whisper in my ear also made sure I would go through this alone. I wore a mask to cover my struggles, afraid to let anyone know how I really felt. I told my friends I was fine and laughed my day away. I filled my life with false moods, and never let anyone in, no one except those demons you sent after me.
They were the hardest years of my life. You made me struggle with self harm and self doubt. So much so that suicide soon became a favorable option to having to deal with you any longer. I had lost all hope in myself, and was completely alone in my struggle. You were winning, and there was nothing I could do about it. You tore me down to the point where all hope had been lost. At the age of 16, you made me believe that my life was over, and on that fateful day in February you allowed me to put that to the test.
That's where everything you had worked so hard to tear down started to end. You pulled me down with you for three years, and I had had enough. I was going to take the easiest way out, and end us both. But after that night in the hospital I realized that I could end you and win this war for myself. The battle that you had me fighting and losing for three years had finally started to come to an end, with myself on top. You would no longer be the one in control of my life. I was taking that title back for myself.
Today, I know you still linger. Sometimes you sweep in like a fog that wont allow me to see three feet in front of myself. But this time, I won't let you get to that point. You are no longer in control. The only one who can point me in the right direction is me. You are no longer in a position of power. Instead, you are now fading away, as you should be. I will no longer cower at the thought of you; instead, I will fight you every brutal step of the way, until you discover that my life is not yours for the taking.
It hasn't happened yet, but eventually, you will lose.
Sincerly,
The One Who's Taking His Life Back
