You’ve probably already heard all the clichés from friends, family, your therapist or even random strangers, all well-meaning, of course. “Have you tried yoga?” “Think positive!” “You’ve got nothing to be sad about, cheer up!” “Someone has it worse than you.” It’s not like you asked for this. It’s not like you wanted this. More than anything, you want to feel better, to have the energy to do all the things you used to enjoy.
Your friends wonder where you are all the time, why you always seem to have dark circles under your eyes, and why you seem to be so distant from them. You wish you could tell them, “It’s not that I don’t love you and want you close—it’s that I’m depressed.” Maybe it feels like a dark cloud hanging over you, or a ball and chain, or just constant, heavy exhaustion. It manifests in different ways—sometimes you’re tired, or angry, or you cry, or lay in bed for days on end. You want out. You need out. You can’t find a way out.
I know these things that you’ve been through too, and I’m not here to tell you there’s some miracle cure, or that you’ll wake up one day completely happy and that your life will be easy and stress-free. That’s not realistic. I had to accept that “getting better” wasn’t a short sprint from point A to point B, but a marathon that I’d spend the rest of my life running. It’s been about five years since I’ve been professionally diagnosed with depression, and I still have bad days. I try not to dwell on the bad days, but instead enjoy the good days. I’ve developed an amazing support system and I have coping skills.
The most important thing for you to remember is that someone, somewhere, loves you very much and wants to see you enjoy your life again. You are not alone, even if it feels like you are. It’s not a crime to suffer and be in pain because you’re depressed. You are loved. Sometimes you won’t feel like you are, but that’s okay. It’s normal for you to take two steps forward and one step back. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Reach out to the people around you, and you’ll find that they’re willing to help you. Remember that almost 7% of the people in the U.S. have been diagnosed with depression, so chances are good you know someone who empathizes with you. You are not alone. You may be sad, scared and tired, but you are never alone.
And the one cliché that seems to resonate with me still? It gets better. Life might not get better tomorrow, or this month, or even this year. Living with depression will be an ongoing battle, but someday, you will wake up and realize how far you’ve come.
How am I so certain about this? This morning I woke up in my own apartment next to my loving girlfriend with the morning sun streaming in through our blinds. My first thought was, “Everything is all right.”
